Carving my own destiny.

ORD (SOON!)

2011-09-11T03:46:00.000-07:00

So tired after a week of 'chiongsua' in the civilian world...

who says you can only complain about being shag in the fields; the world out there is never much easier :D

I need a break... ironically no where else but, in camp :)

Breakaway

2011-09-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

This is my lovely grandma, with the next generation of new blood...

Will be away for 2 days to Malacca... and be back with more photos :)

<3 Grandma

Lovely.

2011-09-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

Really tempted to start my photography pilgrimage.

Lovely, yet subtly heartening.

The Last of August.

2011-08-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

HellO!

Its 30 August and i shall write something casual here in the name of the last of August. Thanks those who tried to tide me along with the conundrums clouding the past weeks, and i felt much better now, as evinced by the lighter mood of this post. The month of August - a period packed with anxiety, rush, adrenaline, operational duty, injuries and virus infections - has finally ended in whimper as the crazy month dies down in tempo.

The past one week has been quite comforting for me, especially after i have went for the much-dreaded medical review, and have since let the matter rest as peace and tranquility overwhelms the nerving moments. I have decided to just take anything that really comes, if that really what fate has planned for me. And yes, the swing of emotions is really that drastic after that fateful 5 mins 'consultation' with the camp MO. The tempestetuos moods have changed for the better, and these feelings really occur to me as subconscious and uncontrollable ones. Its without a doubt a great relief for me to regain back my normal self, and the following few days in camp just pass by like a breeze. Perhaps, i have this inherent breaking point of over-worrying and trying to consider views from all parties, when in reality, no one really cares about your situation.

The last of August were peppered with some entertaining moments, ranging from ... (better to put in point form, just for archiving sake)

1. The last 4ntm Guard Duty; a momentous milestone for me as it signals the dawn of the freedom. Last Sunday will be the last time i will ever be going to prowl and walk rounds around the vehicle shed (though i vaguely remembered walking just once for the whole 24 hours shift :P). Can't believe I just endured a freaking whole month of 4ntm operational duty, tanking the guard duties, while not forgetting the every morning 545am-8am draw arms shift, that was indisputably... hmm mentally and physically torturing, but yet memorable :D TMR will be the last day of this draining ritual and lets seal the freaking armskote!

2. 8-2; yea the magical number - magical thrashing of the gunners. Was wondering how shiok will it be if we have a 42-inch LED TV with MIO installed right at the 4ntm guard shed... haha the experience of live commentary with a faithful group of mates camping infront of pathetically small smartphones was no doubt refreshing :D. The victory made it even sweeter :)

3. Tennis at MR DU's house; a much-needed work out cum sparring sessions with cougar mates, and really miss this awesome sport and the JC days when we will just hit the courts and have a good sweat after lessons or in the midst of studying breaks.

4. Jumbo seafood with grandma and some relatives visiting during Hari Raya; shalln't elaborate much more, and all in all, it was a great day being my grandma's bodyguard, tagging her to all sorts of places throughout the day. Shall write more about this when spare time arrives...

So thats perhaps all the stuffs i could conjure that marks the end of August. The months ahead - Sep, Oct, Nov, DEC! - will spell even greater things that could ever happen in life. It will be exciting, and maybe strewn with some unexpected setbacks, but life is still going good for me and lets move on...

What exactly is our main goal in life? To stay happy? To be someone's special and make a difference in others life? To stay carefree? To have a family? To travel the world? To get a good-paying job and have lots of friends? If only there is a universal indicator that all can aim to achieve will life be made much easier, instead of wasting time spent frowning over this question...

My Last week.

2011-08-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

Hi Space,

In a twitch of an eye, the weekend has passed and back to camp again. It should be the time to cheer for the looming end, and start counting down to the number of book-ins left, but yet, my heart wrenched. I fear; i fear for the worst to come, and i know its coming. I am returning back to a familiar place, the place where i once called home, and the place where i once had fond memories not for its conditions, but because of the mates and the bonds i shared with them. But yet now when you ask me whether I do look forward to rejoining back in the fields, i am afraid its a staunch no.

Now i understand why bonds do fade over time, and relationships that were once considered iron-clad can be easily weaken by the factor of time. When one acclimatizes and sets into his 'new' comfort zone, the past just fades into memory and down the books of history. And i can't imagine what will happen in the future, when we start setting off from our once-shared home to pursue our own dreams and set foot onto our own different paths... will we still recognise each other as friends? Right now, even when i am making the effort to reconnect with some drifting friends, I begin to understand the harsh and stark truth that once bonds are broken, they are hard to reform especially since we have lost the common ground that once brought us together. But at least, i am one that believes that friendship should be treasured, since fate and destiny has allowed me to know this special group of people, instead of the other 7 billion people on the planet. No matter how hard it will be, putting in the effort to reconnect is vital.

Back to the topic of fear; i had one of the best guard duty sessions having heart-to-heart talk sessions with Jin Yang during prowling again, and really relish those times when we just sit down by the bed and talked through the night. We thrashed out anything under the sun, and were brutally honest with what we thought about things around us - whether is it the army as an increasingly corporate-like organisation, rather than its inherent role as our nation's first line of defence, or is it about the much-prized overseas education that everyone seems to be fighting for. That also further highlights how having a good mate can transform a mundane activity such as walking rounds around the vehicle such an enriching and memorable one.

The month of August has never been anyway smooth-sailing for me. I struggled through most of the weeks, and i only hope and pray that the last week of August can just zoom past and may time transport me to ORD soon. However from now till ORD, my fate remains unclear.

The only thing to fear is fear itself - last week, i finally felt once again how shit can just make your life upside down. What i need is the courage to embrace anything that comes along the way...

Listening to Yim Jae Bum - Love (City Hunter OST)

Exasperation.

2011-08-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

Came back from nights out, and resting in front of my lappie, feeling really lethargic and exhausted. I just had a good talk over dinner with Jun He, and before i even initiated any conversation, i started off with "I am feeling really tired"... Its definitely not the archetypal physical form of wearisome, but more of a mental and physiological one - the kind of saddle that really drains your energy and vitality, wears you down, and then slowly tears you apart. Its those kind of feeling that you can attempt to conceal it from others, but you can never ignore that its evidently bottled within you. You try to convince yourself that its not a pertinent problem, but yet you are aware that these are going to be real problems that will haunt you one day. Its going to implode and tear you apart...

To be honest, I have never felt this kind of emaciation, not literally, (extreme leanness caused by starvation or disease) for long, especially ever since I have enjoyed a pretty smooth-sailing honeymoon period since March. Many problems have been besetting me recently -things that i tried to convince myself is superficial and not to be affected. And this is further compounded by the flu virus that struck me 2 weeks ago, and strains of it is still lingering within my body, and an ankle sprain during badminton just days back. I can only raise my white flag and admit that these series of events is just a culmination of bad luck accumulated, coincidentally during the 7th month Ghost Festival.

I pray hard that this despondent feeling trapped within me can be released, and the cherubic and vivacious side of me can be resurfaced. Its just that kind of sian feeling that is indescribable, and i doubt my writing this posting is going to be of any practical help anyway. Maybe i need to confide and share the problems with more people; the group of friends whom i truly can tide problems with :)

At least having a good night sleep at home is going to be therapeutic... wish me luck for BTT tmr and life moves on... Of army, wallaby, combat, non-combat, chiong sua, people, insensitive pricks, politics, education, overseas, scholarships, stocks, skin, badminton, ankle, tuition, money, goals, happiness ... and that practically sums up life. One by one, i shall take it by my stride.

2011-08-14T02:59:00.001-07:00

Listening to Amy Winehouse - Back to Black

Fallen.

2011-08-09T18:38:00.000-07:00

Argh, i am totally beaten. It seems that there is some sort of flu virus spreading around, and i am one of the unfortunate few who have contracted it. And its especially sour when you spend most of your time grounded at home during your 4 day long break... zzz it really sucks to be obliterated by a virus infection; it makes you defeated, weak and lost for words literally. I can still remembered how i lugged by lethargic body to my tutee's house on Friday night, after spending some moments unconscious, dizzy and estranged in the cinema watching Planet of the Apes, and when I finally finished the 2 hours torturous session, the tutee's mum actually commented, " 你真的很可怜". LOL i can imagine how pathetic i was that day, pushing myself to pull through the tuition session, then dragging my body back home through throngs of crowds, that appear to be indifferent of my dying conditions. I was totally desensitized and lost any trace of interest in my surroundings. I only had just one simple aim then - get back home and rest.

Even right now when i am trying to dramatize Friday's episode, I am still barely recovering from the incessant coughing and stubborn chunks of phlegm still residing in my throat and nose... Its really gross, and it has been quite some time since I experienced such tribulations.

I don't want any ATTC... i just want to get well and move forward with life. Please, flu flu go awaaay :(

Happy 46th My Country

2011-08-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

Just came back from my cousin's national day cum cohesion bbq session and thought of just penning some reflections before i report back for national service. Though the whole gathering turned out to be quite futile for me, primarily due to my foul mood caused by a pain-stricken respiratory system, i had some moments to reflect over the parade screened on national tv.

It has dawned on me that watching the national day parade has been uniquely surreal to me, especially during the recent few years since i served NS, and NDP has never failed to convinced that i truly love my country. Whenever the iconic few national day theme songs such a Home, played on the background, I can feel tears brimming within my iris subconsciously, despite deliberate efforts to hold it back. It draws me into the mood of the celebrations, and touched my heart that we really have came so far as a country. It occurred to me that our founding fathers, has fought hard for our present lives, and whenever the camera shift to our dearest Mr. Lee Kuan Yew looking over the whole Marina Bay, it really epitomizes the feeling of pride and sacrifice our ancestors has made to build the metropolitan city we were proud to call home. I can imagine how this particular leader, my beloved idol, embraces and busks under the magnificent skyline, feeling appreciated and accomplished that his efforts throughout his whole life weren't wasted.

Such feelings were uncontrollable... and indeed incredulous. I just wondered if that also signify my calling to serve the country, whenever the opportunity do arises in the future :) Happy birthday country.

thread-more

2011-08-07T07:51:00.000-07:00

HAHA when you have some spare cash on hand, you can never ditch the idea of spending it on things you have eyed for long :) experiencing the powering effects of retail therapy now... HAHA looks like threadless is going to be a more potent medication compared to a diet of antibiotics and cough mixture... The patient needs some healing; and i am trying everything that rumored to work, including excessive splurging :)

Of MO, PES, COMBAT

2011-07-31T06:32:00.000-07:00

HI DOCTOR CLARENCE, looks like i am going to find you again...

but this time, its looks like the combat field is looming ahead..

Hi Wallaby, if I am really there this SEP, its fate that brought me back again :)

i believe in fate; and if the series of events culminate in this result, albeit a not so desirable one, i will respect it.

Graduation

2011-07-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

Graduation, Convocation, Commencement!

I attended my sister's NTU Convocation ceremony today, and with the many mundane moments when i was alienated on one corner of the Nanyang Auditorium, while the professor continues to ramble on the incessant list of graduates, I had the best time to take some quiet time to think about school life, friendships, education, career and future. It was an unfettered chain of thoughts going through my mind, and I had a good thought of what i expect myself when i don on that graduation gown and walked up the stage 5 years from now. What aims have i set for myself to achieve during these illustrious 4 years of university education, such that i will have no regrets looking back. What kind of person do I want to be when i finally stepped out of the school and step forth into the crude society?

It sets me thinking.. how cool with it be to be the valedictorian of the school, and make the finale speech to the whole business cohort on graduation day. That's the big fish in the small pond analogy i was talking about; i will rather be the shining star in a local school, than venturing into a ivy league varsity on an unknown foreign land and have 'intellectual sparring with the top brains from all over the world'.

I have a target in mind, and the crux of the problem is whether if this target is even realistic in the first place :)) But at least, i dare to imagine and believe that i could be the one. Believing is the first step to seeing.. I choose to believe :D

Listening to Eric Clapton - Tears In Heaven

Twitter-like post

2011-07-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

You know twitter, facebook and tumblr has been gaining ground over blogger over recent years, and such trend can be accounted for by the lack of desire to pen a long elaborated post as compared to a 140-character text that sums up the essence of a post. Sweet, simple, and gets the message across. So here I am, feeling pretty lethargic after hours surfing on the net, hoping to post something that is succinct, yet of substantial value...

Its 1AM on a Friday morning, and really felt privileged to be enjoying in the comforts of my air-conditioned room, ruminating over stuffs that has been besetting me, and yet has decided that I should be contented with what i have, rather than worrying over issues in the future that has little or no impact to my life now. It has been a short week, but i have this growing urge that i desperately need a breather- a getaway from this fast-paced rhythm of events that has been cannibalizing my vitality and energy day by day.

Edwin was mentioning casually in the armskote about how the slow pace of life in Australia is really pleasing, and it suddenly strikes me what actually causes 2 places, both on the same planet, to be so distinctly different in terms of its overall feel and wellness. How peculiar and amazing is it for an environment to have this 'slower pace of life', when time is an absolute scale, and how one can truly relax and feel at ease in these foreign lands.

Everytime when my doctor ask me to relax and not get so tensed, I will always be left scratching my head, telling myself that its impossible for me to feel genuinely relaxed unless I get out of this war zone of 20 years, and take a breather in some serene corner of the planet, where I can relish the experience of feeling relaxed.

I want to see the other side of the world that I am aware of, but have yet to witness its marvel using my physical senses :)

Dusk and Dust.

2011-07-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

Its already 24th July and by the time i booked out from camp, it will be the dusk of July when the dust begins to fall slowly on the calender, forming a thin layer of varnish, but yet nothing concrete has been etched on the days of July. I have plans to do something, but it all faints in memory as the law of diminishing intent by Robin Sharma was apt in explaining that people tends to forget about things that they were once hyped up to complete, and as we began to be engulfed in the menacing tsunamis of daily work requirements, such determination were then wiped out and discarded into the archives. On one hand, its rational to think that i should be satisfied that the clock is edging faster than ever towards my version of 'independence day' (3rd Dec), but yet, you know on the other, you felt 'wasted' when tasks pre-planned were going along your way.

The past few days were marked by some experiences which were worth some food for thought. The first is the burning surge of jealously and partial disdain, when i was left scratching my head, questioning myself why am I left to book out on a Saturday morning, and even worst, not able to get my hands to the elusive marksman $200 bucks, though I am confident that I can just get down the tonner and land some rounds on the target, instead of being a non-combatant that has never much been appreciated for supporting training, and always being 'the first in, last out'. That's yet another prominent example of the downsides of being a non-combatant, and being ill-treated, unbeknownst to many; but i have already since been accustomed to such 'unfair' treatment. It's never fair in the first place to begin.

Ex Wallaby: Another week to go which means a step closer to the end to my ultimate decision. And I am still ruminating, whether to go or not to go...

Listening to 严爵 - 好的事情 (电视剧《醉后决定爱上你》片尾曲)

NS Life.

2011-07-17T06:09:00.000-07:00

I always believe that the theory of relativity can help explain the many perplexities of the world, and shall make use of blogging to document my assortment of experiences that reinforces this concept.

Last week was rotation 5 for the Batallion and for me, yes, i ain't going to be a hypocrite here and not going to defend my staunch stand that i wasn't slacking camp; in fact, i am here to confess a joke that we cracked in the midst of all the crazy things we did in Cougar Resort, "For the first time, i am going to announce to the world that i love outfields; the longer the better". LOL, not going to elaborate on the 'crazy things we did', but i got to admit that the last week was indeed one of the best NSF life you can ever ask for, perhaps even outshining the pre-ORD days, looming in the horizon :) Its a classic case of all hell break loose, and people were going wild, flouting the rules, and calling the company line 'home sweet home'. Thats all i will like to pen down here, for fear of inviting unnecessary flaming and accusations back in camp. Haha.

I still remember during my nascent days as a non-combatant, I was floored by the demanding rigour of the office job and was indeed feeling regretful of my decision back then. The despondent feeling was further compounded when you realized all your other mates, a company worth of combatants, were resting up in bunks for the whole day, while you were pouring through thick stacks of documentations and files in preparation for 4NTM duties. Sometimes when you take a breather outside the office, you take a sneak peek up to your elusive bunks only to realise a handful of them walking by their corridors, complaining of insomnia because they have too much rest.

Furthermore, as part of a decoy to 'deter' people from down pes-ing, office personnels were grounded literally in the office from 730am until 8-9pm, before its time for Roll Call (RO) and the combat fits geared in admin and PT will start streaming down from their bunks, preparing to hit the gym or play some sports, after a complete day of recuperation in their immaculate nests. When you wanted to join your mates in some games, you realise that that you were too lethargic to even climb up the stairs for a good bathe and long night sleep. You start to question yourself, "why do i even want to end up in this predicament in the first place?".

Those were what i label as shitty days of the past, and though some details maybe exaggerated, some epiphanies i have written were indeed what i felt when i was on the other side of the grass, only to realise that the grass back at your side maybe greener. Its also what i firmly believe as the theory of relativity - i will only feel that indignant because the combatants were resting in bunks while i was laboring in the office/armskote. And similarly to put it bluntly, the main reason why i can only feel so shiok and liberated is because the rest were out in the fields. Yes, the theory of relativity is just a euphemism for building one's happiness on top of others' sorrow.

Relativity has helped shed light on the different kind of feelings i experience over the course of my NS journey. It also also helped shape my perspective towards the many perfunctory accusations of 'slack and relax', against many parties. At the end of day, life is never fair and we can never stop comparing, because while my NS life last week was considered slack, i am very confident that there were definitely some other NSF who was reveling and basking in his own little workspace, or even in the comforts of his own house, enjoying his time more than me. (This belief is backed by my own understanding of NSFs, who are living examples of people touring through their 2 years).

The word 'slack' is subjective and relative, and there is never a fix list of descriptions that aptly sums up the word slack, even when you based in on a similar context of National Service. In fact, this rule applies to all adjectives...

"LIFE IS NEVER FAIR - THERE ARE 5 ORANGES, I TAKE 3, YOU TAKE 2.... AND I SAY ITS FAIR" - From the wise words of CO 40 SAR.

Oh yes, my latest love: Badminton.

Life.

2011-07-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

ECONS, MONEY, SHOPPING, PHOTOGRAPHY, BADMINTON, GUITAR, FOOD, FAMILY.

i am a satisfied boy :)))

Rotate X 5

2011-07-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

I should be fretting over the next arduous 4 days, but yet, i have chosen to dismiss all these worries and instead, relax over the impending week. Yes, i have chosen this path to experience my customized 6-months non-combat tour to understand workings behind the scenes and thereby appreciating the need for support services even in this mammoth organisation called SAF, that is perceived to be one large army of soldiers, preparing to sacrifice their lives out in the daunting combat fields. While i may put across as someone who is really that crude to ditch my mates and severe all bonds forged over the past 1 year of training, in reality, the thought of holding all my plans back and not jumping on the bandwagon to down pes, despite already clutching the triumphant memo letter from my specialist, really did came across my mind. In fact, it has haunted me for weeks before i made that sacred decision.

Unbeknownst to many, it was really hard to get the words, "Yes sir, i decided to continue to down pes" out of my gasping lungs during the PC interview, and its really bemusing what exactly is the fetter that held me back, when down pes has always been something what i want to achieve.

Even up to this moment, though i have never regretted making that monumental decision, I can never forget those faithful nights i spend ruminating over the issue of leaving the combat fields. While you guys will be out chionging for this 4d3n Rotation 5, marking it the last Singapore outfield of our 2 years service, I can safely assure you that though i have gave up the chance to be with you guys physically, my heart has never ditched this group of treasured comrades.

And many times, it really pains me when I overhead murmuring and sarcastic remarks buzzing behind my backs, albeit not with any ill-intention. I have expected these waves of opprobrium to come, but not from the few of you. It really reflects poorly of your character and maturity.

Listening to 萧敬腾 - 复制人 (its really good :)

Fill It Up.

2011-07-08T09:57:00.000-07:00

Its the dawn of July, which also spells time to start filling the cup that appears to be half empty/half full.

Hahah crappy post.. but really do look forward to some rest soon. it has been a physically and mentally exhausting week in camp for me, and really appreciate the early breather that my 'specialist' has granted me. haaha quite a couple of things have been clogging up my memory bank recently but shall dedicate those to other more in-depth posts. The past few months have just flown past unknowingly and maybe i should start coming up with more concrete plans for the month of July, especially when my 'non-combat tour' is coming to an end soon...

*If you are not in favor with the course of events, its not your prerogative to adhere to it and *suck thumb* (the 'wise words' passed down by previous generations of NSFs). I believe that every single individual has the clout to effect a positive change for the betterment of their own lives, even though what it takes may be a monumental effort to overcome the ~~over-~~powering tide. Its all the hands of the beholder - fight for your own right :)

Time with yourself.

2011-07-03T02:11:00.000-07:00

I just came across a Facebook update that popped right in front of my face (a realization that i bemoan increasingly as I realised that facebook isn't really an ideal way of social networking as it literally pushes new updates up your live news feed just like how someone forces food down your esophagus. And even though food can be healthy and nutritious to the body, consuming copious amounts is going to be choking and deadly. And apparently, thats also one of the root cause why facebook manage to succeed because it provides a platform that collate all the news pertaining to your 'friends', another term which i am increasingly cynical of especially when we get alot of information from this group of people that we disparage, making it a collage of interesting relevant news, in relative to mainstream news, that pleases the eyes and strikes a chord with our heartstrings.) And that also explain why i am more inclined to visiting people's blogs, a corner of the virtual world that is created and maintained meticulously by owners, and reading information that i am keen to find out more, rather than being engulfed by facebook updates, which i believed has became the new mainstream news.

Alright enough of my usual musings and the facebook update i was referring earlier goes like that...

Confession: i spent 2/3 of the weekend alone by myself.

Haha and although i didnt post it up as my facebook status update, i have decided to write it here that indeed, i have spent my weekend, not exactly alone by myself, but in the comforts of my couch, away from the buzzing outside world. Rather than calling it a confession, I am rather honest to say that such plans to dedicate this weekend, the first of the month of July, to myself has been rather fruitful and accomplishing. Sometimes, when you are mired in perpetual commitments to meetup with friends, to attend meetings and have casual dinners with long-lost friends, its always good for you to take a step back from the demands of day-to-day activities and recuperate while coming up with the blueprint for the upcoming month. And resting for the past 2 days, not doing anything lethargic that consumes all your energy, gives me ample time and space to sort out undone business while spending quality time with my closed ones, whom i realised i have began to distance amidst all my commitments.

And thats what i learnt about the power of self-renewal- the technique to strategically time block and dedicate quite time for rest, recovery and rejuvenation :) [From The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari- Robin Sharma]

Some random facts about by past few days...

1. Alot of people have been asking me if i had been forced to cut recruit hairstyle by CSM... LOL

-- A long story that i have repeated throughout the whole Friday when i went back to camp, and i shan't reveal much here but you get the idea, my hair is really freaking short after i attempted a $2.40 haircut at Clementi (the long queue one) and its going to be one of the greatest regrets of the week. HAHA, it turned out to be really quite flabergasting after i put on my specs, and perhaps thats also explain the reason why i refrain from heading out unnecessarily. Back to recruit again... crap.

2. My specs gave way.

-- My specs turned into 2 while i was conversing with Yu Zhong on the bus back from camp, and perhaps thats how specatacles can be damaged for a non-combatant... while catting on the bus

-.-

Alright so thats all for this update, and its time to report back to camp for yet another 5 days of service after my long getaway! Cheers!!!

Listening to 林宥嘉- 想自由

Threadless!

2011-07-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

HAHA this is what i call ingenious design!

Really feel like spoiling myself for once and splurge on some threadless tees :)

Last Ditch.

2011-06-30T07:12:00.000-07:00

It just feels so weird not to write something, in a hurry, before i booked back into camp and hence my appearance over here on a Thursday night, 30 minutes before i report back to camp for SAF DAY (1st July) after a 6 day hiatus. Today i have decided to just pen a short write-up pertaining to a theme, rather than just mere ramblings about daily stuffs unlike previous posts.

So how do you react when you see someone you think is familiar (key word being think)?

I just happen to have this recurring experience few hours back, when i saw my senior brushed past me at Westmall Popular, and its just intuitive that I pretended not to notice him and walked past as natural as possible, before casting a look back to confirm whether if the target identified is indeed someone you know. Upon taking a second look, and confirming that he is indeed my senior, i have decided not to acknowledge him and just continue to talk to my sisters. And this is just one the many incidents that i have experienced over the past few months as its quite common for one to meet friends you haven't met for long on the streets, and interestingly, i didn't take the initiative to strike a custom conversation with them as well, and decided to take the easy way out instead.

In retrospect, I have decided to reflect on my knee-jerk reaction and question whether upon rational analysis have i made the right move. I wondered, "is it normal to just walk away, since the situation will turn really weird when we start cracking our brains for pretentious courteous remark like "hi, eh why are you here?", and tried to dish out some conversation-ending phrase like "erm i gotta go now" or others like "hope to see you around soon and all the best", causing the whole situation to be really tense and weird. " Perhaps this also indicates that the relationship between two of you may in fact be one that is just perfunctory and not one that is built upon strong ties and camaraderie. And in fact, apart from the handful of close friends that you can really call bros and mates, the rest are just based on superficial grounds like perhaps CCA mates, classmates, camp mates, whom we are forced to acknowledge for we do share something in common, and its a bit preposterous for us to ignore and label them as strangers.

Even up to now, i can never conclude whether there is a right thing or wrong thing to do... and thinking about it, maybe i should try to take the lead and open up a conversation with someone that i genuinely want to know more, especially for this particular senior whom i was quite connected to back then...

What do you normally do then?

In Essence.

2011-06-29T10:51:00.000-07:00

Hey yo peeps!

It has been quite some days since I last ~~visited~~ (the word 'visited' is definitely a misnomer, since I had made multiple visits to this space just that other things have been holding me back from updating this place). I am not sure when i start writing stuffs like 'Hey yo!', i was actully just attempting to be over enthusiastic over the content of my blog when in fact my only supporters are just imaginary readers and not forgetting the occasional spammers/advertisers/desperadoes who have been spamming my tagboards. For the few who still bothers to key jerefat.blogspot.com into their web browsers and keep checks of my weekly updates, i really do appreciate your subtle support that have helped rekindle my enthusiasm to keep this place alive. Whether or not if i know you in person, its always an awesome feeling to know that you have an entourage (or maybe just a handful) of people that bothers to read things that you write and wants to know the daily happenings surrounding your life. For that, i thank you all and also hope that you can make your presence felt at my tagboard (cause it really sucks to have one that is just inundated with spammers :P).

I have been on leave for this whole week and am really satisfied with the progress of time and how things have been lined up so far; i can only say that time has been well-spent and everyday has been a new learning experience. From the habitual weekly tuition sessions and badminton trainings to the unparalleled medical journey at TTSH and eye-opening lesson to MLM (multi-level marketing), the past few days have proved to be an eclectic mix of many firsts. I have ventured beyond the safe waters in search of the spices that i have always been eyeing for, and the rewards have been bountiful. Exploring new terrains while learning new ideas on the move has never been more edifying. More importantly, striking out things that you have always yearned to do is always that accomplishing.

Shall share more these new ventures next time.

And meanwhile, i shall rest well for platoon cohesion tmr :D

In introspection, i think my life now is not that bad; in fact it can never be this great. A day that can start and end with no worries, unconsumed by towering lecture notes and well-sheltered from the cruelties of the real corporate world. I gasped when i witnessed how my younger sis is struggling to finish her revision for her J1 mid-year papers... and can only be satisfied that life now isn't that bad after all :)

i always believe its all relative; if she isn't suffering, i can never be the one grinning :)

Listening to Queens - Bohemian Rhapsody (Classic Indeed!)

Rest

2011-06-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

A great enriching Saturday and its time for some recuperation...

Shall share more insights and reflections in the next post.

Set Fire.

2011-06-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

Hi Space,

It 2.45am and i am hours away from making a closure to this weekend. I looked at the bottom right hand corner of my screen only to realise that it has already been 19th June - signifying that more than half the month has passed, and i am just another week from my block leave at the end of the month. I refer you to my previous few posts when i mentioned that the month of June is going to be a real hectic one for us, as we attempt to juggle outfield trainings (or at least not me), live firings and urban ops trainings in the midst of 4NTM standby duties. And yet, a jam-packed schedule will also spell a faster-paced month when you will not even have a tinge of time to cast a glance at the clock and question why time is ticking so slowly. June is precisely that kind of archetypal month when you can't keep track of the clock.

The past 2 days has been a much fulfilling and edifying one , and though i have to report back for duty tmr morning, I am very much satisfied with the amount of 'spices' peppered throughout the 2 days. Whether is it the heart-pumping tennis session at Mr Du's house, when i regain the surge of familiarity returning back to the tennis courts while powering balls across courts at freewill, or my first pay cheque! from my economics tuition tenure, I have my plans to action and time has been thoroughly well-spent. *yea i haven't been updating here about my maiden Odyssey to attempt tutoring students for fees, and anyone who has lobang for me to teach can feel free to contact me pls :)*

I have started to see my plans turning to fruition as my weekend life begins to see glimpses of spices that i have very much beseeched. I really can't fathom how people can just stay within the perimeters of their horse for the entire day and do absolutely nothing but wait longingly for book-in. Lol, it really sounds pathetic. Recently, i have also been exploring other options, or a more apt word to put it across will be opportunities, to expand my time during the weekends more fruitfully. Really look forward to the upcoming weeks...

Throughout the past few months, i have come to understand myself more wholly; i ain't someone who can allow myself to rest on my laurels and not do anything about time. Free time during the weekends for NSFs is just a short replica of what's life to expect when i ORD or when i graduate from the university - you are on your own and no one has the right to dictate how you are going to spend your time. You are thrown into the wilderness, and in full control of how your life is going to proceed from then on. In essence, you are free from the grasp of the society stigma that subconsciously dictates everyone to follow the education path since young and eventually land yourself a good-paying job. You becomes a free soul and you can decide whether if you will slack in your couch for the weeks to come, or head out to bask under the sun and feel recharged to fight for things that you are so bend on doing. And the latter is the kind of personality that i embodies (or at least who i hope to be) for i believe that rest in excess is really debilitating.

Its time to get hooked up to things that really impassioned me, and at least i can see some light now.

<3 Photog.

Listening to Adele - Set Fire To The Rain

Waddup!

2011-06-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

Hey yo waddup peeps, I am finally back after a relatively long hiatus spend in camp. Just realised that i have yet to update this place since 2 weeks back as my schedule has been pretty much in disarray from the the sporadic duties, live-firings and confinements over the past week. Its great to be back here again on a Thursday Night and will look forward to a recharged weekend with a plethora of enriching activities lined up. First up will be tennis tmr, and really hope to get the adrenaline pumping on the hard courts and start reliving the A'level days when tennis was once my reliable stress-reliving companion. I can't wait to rev up the power and enjoy the joy of the game :D

Oh and waddup seems to be my latest coolio greeting. Hey waddup yoz, will be back to write a more comprehensive post :)

Of Memories.

2011-06-05T06:21:00.000-07:00

Just a moment ago, i was casually reading my past few posts for the past 1-2 months and it suddenly stuck me that its already the month of June - implying that it has already been 3 months since i last stepped out of the combat fields and also signals the last 3 months of my 'non-combat tour'. I was astounded at the pace of how time flies and I can barely remember what exactly went on for the past few months. This is the real conundrum for most national servicemen - we begged for time to zoom past so that we can see the end-point looming but yet we bemoan that times just flashes past and life has been a much-wasted one as nothing really significant has really happened such that we can classify it under the echelon of achievements. We, or at least what i feel personally, are so not used to life being so bland and tasteless, but yet its beyond our control to add in spices to our life, in order to define what we believe life ought to be. Awareness precedes action but more often than not, we realised ourselves looking back in retrospect and conclude that really nothing much could be done. Before long, we most likely have reached the end of the gloomy tunnel. Lets just serve and get it over with. Isn't that what NS life should be?

Last Friday was my medical appointment at TTSH for my ankle and my Achilles heel problem and i was literally travelling down the memory lane back home on Bus 157, reminiscing the JC times when we had much fun exploring the boundless reservoir of knowledge while not forgetting the crazy moments when we played really hard; and sometimes really too hard. Those were also one of the most tumultuous times when i forced myself through the gruesome pouring of notes and tutorials, digesting every single bit even up to the last few hours before the block test papers, prelim papers, and not to mention, the A'level papers. I will never forget how we, the few pathetic grouchy souls,were struggling to devour the last few chapters of Chemistry up to the very last minute at 4am, and sms-ing each other to encourage one another. In the end, we still manage to pull through and here we are today, all moving on with our lives, and these indelible moments will forever be etched as part of my JC experience :) I am proud to have you all as my friends.

Snapped back to reality, its already 5th June and not so soon after, weeks are going to whiz past like a G6. To be honest, the monthly calender has been etched with high key events like Urban Ops Training, Rotation 4 fieldcamps, Platoon ALFS live firing, 4NTM operation duties, route marches, IPPT, and the list perpetuates on but which NSF will really regard all these events as 'achievements' that you will be proudly satisfied after completing them? Diametrically, most will treat this as huge obstacles, that separates them from the freedom of every weekly bookouts, and the ultimate goal of ORD. 3 months temporal retirement from the fields have granted me more time and freedom to exercise my control over 'training schedule'. Maybe its time that i should be worrying what i really want to do after the next 3 months; should I go to Wallaby with my comrades (my preferred option), or should I attempt to witness the tranquility and havoc side of Keat Hong Camp?

The month of June is a recuperation for many that are still schooling but for the men of Cougar Coy, its going to be sardine-packed month. I have to work on adding more spices to my life, in order to feel like an accomplished kid again :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH GONG :D

Of Photography.

2011-06-04T10:40:00.001-07:00

D90 + Tamron 17-50 f2.8

ISO 200

EXPOSURE TIME: 30S

I looked in awe, jealous that i am still far away from the epitome of photography.

It's really hard to find something that gives you the 'wow' feeling, especially when you are exposed to more 'new' things over time, and these 'new' things have became accustomed to the norm benchmark. It's just like the standards you expect from a picture today is much higher compared to perhaps 5 years back when i was in high school, and a photo that amazes me in the past is just like yet another DSLR-quality photograph now. This is one of the rare artworks that continues to wow me.

I really wanna get my hands on a tamron f2.8 lens. Time to invest on a new gadget and get the shutter clicking :) Nice work there steve anywhere :D

Listening to Glee Cast - As Long As You Are There (amazing stuffs)

Post 79.

2011-05-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

Alright, yet another week has passed and i am just half an hour away from booking in. I have been fretting over what to write for today post and decided just to type as it goes, after all thats what essentially means by letting ideas flow naturally and intuitively.

Ok, i am honestly out of ideas and have decided to pen my recent thoughts regarding, stucking in the shit hole. The past few days have been peppered with epiphany moments for me... Starting from the late night supper+pool chill out session with Eric to late dota game at 1 with ppnldd and his brothers and lastly epitomized by the Champions League Finals when my favorite Reds were beaten hands down to the formidable FC Barcelona, I struck me that once you got yourself ensnared in a shit hole, its really hard to regain back your footing and be rational again to push against the tide. In other words, its really a one way fall phenomenon, when what it requires is just a small tipping point, and everything just seems to go against your way and you feel helpless, obliterated and defeated.

You just cant seem to find the reason to explain such predicament and you grow increasingly paranoid of your situation - feeling that there is nothing you can do to turn the tables unless you can find the cardinal key, which you have essentially no idea what is the exact secret formula, and where you can find it. Pundits envisaged that Manchester Army will fall under the hands of Lionel Messi, for they have yet to crack the mystery of the Messi Factor, roaming mercilessly in the fields like what he did to beset Manchester's quest for title 2 years back, and it did happen last night. Manchester were just gobsmacked by the flow of the football presented right in their eyes, and at the end of the game, they can only concede a righteous defeat by a much superior opponent.

In many circumstances, it may just seems like a overpowering flow of force rushing against you, sweeping you off your feet and making you feel powerless. But in reality, it may just take one simple change, a subtly right one, to change the tide and make it to your advantage. The problem is its hard to find the right key, the tipping point in favour of you, to solve the beguiling mystery puzzle especially when you are in a state of disarray; making you lose your logical and rational mind to think even of a solution, albeit a defining one, to change the whole game.

Really wish to head out of local shores and see the world out there. Life is board, and i need a change; a much-needed one.

Listening to Sam Tsui - Jar Of Hearts (Cover)

A Week In Review

2011-05-22T06:27:00.000-07:00

I have been leapfrogging from one blog to the other over the past one week (explaining the boredom i faced at home during my past one week block leave), only to come up with a conclusive statement that blogs are really relegated to oblivion nowadays, and the instinctive answer to this growing phenomenon is no doubt the advent of more interactive social-media platforms such as the ubiquitous facebook, twitter and tumblr. Blogger, wordpress, livejournals are now considered the 2nd-generation social mediums that are increasing endangered, just like how the older generation of political leaders can only take a back seat (or now not even occupying a seat in the parliament) with a new wave of promising leaders pouring in. In short, i am really appalled at the pathetic lack of blogs for me to visit unlike the 'older days', and even those which still exist, are those that are either plain superficial (aka just bimbo bitching without any information that makes value) or too information-intensive (like those that writes about political issues, international conflicts and book reviews). Really hope to visit more online 'homes' of people where i can really enjoy staying awhile longer to enjoy reading.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is not to discuss the new PAP line-up for the parliament or to pour more fuel into the burning debate about the review of politicians' pay. I plan to write this post simply like a journal entry, so as to keep filed the memories of the past week - a memorable block-off that makes the closest resemblance to what a civilian life should be. The past one week of emancipation really reminds me of those much-treasured 1 week holiday during our school times when most of the times, we get to just rot at home with our computers switch on for the whole day, and days can just passed like that without even you realising it. Though some of the days really do past by like that, I still the find the past 7 days a relatively enriching and energising one especially with the array of activities peppered within that really makes what life should be. I shall list the things in point form...

1. It all started off with the Friday Sentosa Cougar Cohension... and to be honest, it has been eons since i first stepped onto the scared beach of Singapore and i really couldn't remember how Sentosa Beach even looks like. It was an awesome morning busking under the scorching sun, playing beach volleyball, basketball and having a relaxing dip in the sea.

2. This is followed by the 2 days of confinement, which i still chose to put it as one of the highlights for the block leave since it seriously turned out to be not that bad. The army camp really literally metamorphosis into a NTUC Resort when the people were gone and the peace and tranquility within the company line makes movie marathons and book-reading a much more pleasing and more importantly peaceful one. This is coupled with the FREE BUBBLE TEA TREAT FROM CSM, after we had an extraordinary lesson on how to handle with fishes and make cement to level up the leaking fish pond.

3. Right after book out, we had street soccer at Tiong Bahru followed by a delightful lunch at Tiong Bahru Food Centre. We then decided to romp the streets of Orchard, and had a great time knowing so much more about the great pimp, Nic Yong.

4. After a series of meetings to conceptualize the idea of night cylcing failed, we then decided to have a small k-session for the 4 maestros, at Tio Heng @ NTU Alumni Club. Sang for 7 hours at only 8 bucks each, 4 of us sang until our voice box really explode.

5. The Clash of the Rackets on Friday turned out really smooth, and it was really a smashing, 'cooling' and exhilarating 3.5 hour session at Bukit Timah CC, even though we only paid $10 for 2 hours and the use of 1 court :P. The pumping adrenaline and the spiking of the cocks around the court made the conduct of the session really satisfying. Never had such a great time finding back the feel for the racket :)

There are definitely still many nitty gritty events that i have missed out in this short summary but the past one week was definitely one that spells liberation, freedom and post-ORD mood! HAHA but as the sun sets and the gates of the Keat Hong Camp opens, its time to book back into camp again for NS, and more saikang.

Can't wait to get the full taste of what ORD is like. Its finger lick'in good :)

Too Long A Break

2011-05-19T05:44:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what photo to upload for this post, but yet have to stick on staunchly to my philosophy of at least a photograph for every post, and hence decided to dish out this delectable duck pic that i took last month during one of the Residents Committee Dinner. Running out of pictures to upload is yet another indicator that i haven't been putting my hands on my D7000 and bringing it out today for lunch with my grandparents at the market further ascertain my suspicion that my photography skills are turning rusty. I was thinking along the line of participating in shoots for models, after attempting to link up with Steve few weeks back, but have yet to make it into a reality... or perhaps volunteering my services at kinder-gardens and VWOs can provide me with bountiful opportunities to shoot objects with a stronger message within.

Haiz, shall go for a workout first before my legs turn wobbly and weak.

War of its own

2011-05-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

I am going to fight a war of its own - a battle unprecedented in ages and i'm currently ramping up training and doing a comprehensive force-preparation so as to ensure that my next 2 days out~~field~~ofhome will be a bearable one.

1. Books ready- with 3 books armed and an accompanying BTT manual by my side, time spent will be much more fruitful. The office just transforms instantly to a high school library, as i prepare to undergo a 48 hours fight for knowledge; equipping myself with life skills through philosophical fictional stories and political histories.

2. IPod(s) charged up - With 120GB worth of entertainment and another 8GB portable cable television, the entertainment department of life is well-taken care. Never-ending list of episodes of Glee, Lie To Me and angel's temptation ensure that i can sustain through the pouring of articles, and spiced up my life with some smiles and laughters. The ipod that landed myself in this predicament is going to get a chance to redeem itself... Haha.

Glee, Lie To Me, The Pacific, Nine, The Departed, The Prestige, The Messenger, Men in White : Singapore Political Story, BTT Manual, Deception Point, 天才冲冲冲, 娱乐百分百, 康熙来了... shall be my training schedule for the next 2 days. It's so much more fulfilling when you get to plan the things you truly want to do and hopefully my weekend can be as fruitful as what's expected of a weekend :)

Optimistic of confinement yea?! HAHA.

Of teaching

2011-05-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

Recently, i have this surging, gripping wave of self-doubt that continues to debilitate and questions if i really know what i want in the future. Over the past few months when there was an adrenaline rush for local university apps as well as scholarship applications, I asked my camp mates whether if you have really did consider the question what do you see yourself in 10 years time; a popular interview question that I believed can be listed in the "10 year series book to ace interviews". While some were honest that they really have yet to set their sights 10 years into the future, it doesn't mean that you will thus have to conjure up a politically-right answer to appease the panel judges and convince them that you do have a decent level of maturity. What's gratifying about the interview process is that it gets people to start thinking about these questions, not just about how to tackle the scheming traps that the interviewers have set deliberately to shackle you, but about the long term prospects of your future. Questions like what is your passion? why do you want to pursue this specific field of study? what do want to do in in life? are actually very rudimentary questions that keeps you in track of how you want your life to be mapped out, and interview actually is a healthy impetus to set you thinking if you have not...

And yet paradoxically, these questions have came back to haunt me recently, even though i thought (yes the key word is thought) that i have already cemented my ideal goals in life... I ask myself if biz and accounting is the real field i wanna delve into, or just that i have yet to consider other plausible options like teaching or economics. I ask myself why have i so hastily settle or just that i am not that ambitious enough to cast my net wide enough and consider overseas top universities. What do i really want in life?

Now i am struggling to answer my own question, and i realise the hardest part is not about impressing the panel judges with your lofty dreams and goals, but about being honest with yourself and telling yourself what you want to achieve in life.

Listening to 張惠妹 - 還有眼淚就好

Of Politics

2011-05-07T01:24:00.000-07:00

Today is Polling Day - a sacred watershed 24 hours that could turn the tide and transform the whole political landscape of Singapore in one day; and thats what i honestly believe is the true function of democracy, a system that allows all citizens to have a final say as to who will stand for them in the parliament. The parliament has been disbanded 2 weeks ago, and whats in the ballot box shall decide who will be stepping up to form the new government for the next 5 years. Thats democracy - you never know who will stay and who will go; PAP can just be overwhelmed and become the minority in the span of 2 weeks. Like any war or football match, there is never a guarantee... you can only gain assurance and confidence by building innately strong bonds with your electorates - the judges who will be convinced to make the deciding verdict...

I asked my dad, 'eh pa, who have you voted for?'
I asked my grandmother yesterday, 'eh ah ma, you will vote for who tmr? (in Chinese)'

And guess what,

both declined to answer my question; and thats how sacred every vote is... (and i am honestly surprised that they dint even tell me even though we are connected by blood haha. )

For me, i will tell the whole world that i have voted for PAP (given that i have a chance to cast my holy vote in the first place)... Really relished the chance to serve at the grassroots level again and maybe rub shoulders with my new MP, Miss Sim Ann, who coincidentally is also my alumnus from Hwa Chong. Cheers!

blog.

2011-05-01T04:44:00.000-07:00

Life has been great thus far, and sometimes i ask myself, what more can i ask for? Weeks just fluttered past one after another like breezes, and things have been pretty smooth for me, with minimal hiccups, except for the last 3 confinements that i still owe company. So i was wondering: maybe things have been going so great in life that friends have always been asking me (with special mention to xiaoyu, jerefat says hi), why you always so emo in your blog one? and this is normally followed by a constant badgering of more questions like, eh do you have like split personality? the guy in your blog seriously doesn't sound like you in real life? And some even to the extent of, are you attempting to write the blog, coming from a completely different person point of view? HAHA, and my answer to these questions is an absolute NO! I definitely can find other better things to do, as compared to starting a blog just to put myself into the shoes of another person and in the process try to impersonate his psychotic thoughts and write a fictional life story constructed from pure creative ideas.

I just can't fathom the purpose behind a blogger who just blatantly writes a litany of things, or rather some may prefer the word accomplishments, that he/she has completed for the we k and continues to live in self-denial that penning such superficial things down will help him to reinvigorate some memories, stored in some obscure corner of his brain, when he goes back to read it next time. The truth is reflections not only includes recalling a bland list of events, but also the heartstrings twitched and the mechanical brain triggered in the process. And in order for a significant event to warrant such in-depth and hence a post to discuss, it must be something that really bothers me and keeps me brooding over the matter for a long time. And empirical statistics have showed that many a times, such events are normally the duller and more moody ones, hence explaining the more solemn and emo voice that permeates these posts.

Initially i titled this blog post what the future holds for me? - planning to write a column about my educational pursuits - an issue that has enshrouded me for the past few days and even up to this point of time. I felt clueless and the issue of what and where i will like to continue my university education came back to haunt me. The next topic that i will like to blog about is most prolly the hottest topic in the news right now - Singapore Politics. But yet as time is finite and i have decided to ramble on this issue about my blogging style this time, i shall leave these issues shelved , or perhaps continue to ruminate about it when i am back in camp :)

What does the future really holds for me? Looking forward, i start to have doubts whether the dots will really connect by itself...

Listening to 孙燕姿 - 是时候

Brotherhood.

2011-04-24T07:07:00.000-07:00

Book in timing for today: 11pm.

Current Time: 10pm.

To be honest, i really have no inspiration to blog about anything and thought of just forsaking this place, and booked back into camp for another week of self-enrichment. Like what renxuan said, it feels like the feeling of booking back into army camp doesn't appeals as abhorrent, and thats precisely what i feels right now.. it seriously isn't that bad after all. To the admin officers, booking back into camp just spells for another week of admin job, dealing with classified documents, starring at glaring LCD screens and rushing out assignments until late in the night - a fair reflection of what a day-to-day job that many of us will be ensnared in in the near future. And for me, another week in camp just translates to another recuperation period - finishing what is within my job scope and doing other things that really interest me, which my new found interests includes reading (somewhat enlightening :D), catching up with latest movies and TV serials. And when there's free time at night, I will try to squeeze time out for a workout whether is it through sports, or just a short run at the stadium, that really slows time down and give me ample time to piece my life back into order. In short, life really sounds pleasant and chalet-like :)

Looking back to the past 3 day, I have been catching up with close brothers, whether is my army comrades, whom i felt i have been drifting further away from there due to my new found vocation, or is it my JC brothers whom i have yet to catch up for ages. A great weekend, and i can't help to look forward better ones like this in time to come.

Sometimes i wonder if dreams is a perfect replica of your real thoughts and feelings... You can always deny everything in the presence of others, or even worse, deceive yourself into believing that you have forgotten the past, but you can never control the things that is conjured in your dreams - it really expresses what you really felt deep in you.

Tired, yet satisfied.

2011-04-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

You know sometimes you get these bolts of adrenaline that keeps you going no matter how tired you are, because you can derive satisfication from doing something that you truly love. It's just confounding that why sometimes we can find that charge of energy to press on, and yet at times, we will rather just hurl vulgarities and have thoughts of giving up when we are shagged. Finiding the purpose, and aliging your attitude towards it is paramount in producing efficiency and satisfaction, for that's what we really want to achieve at the end of the day.

Today is just yet another experience that reinforces this belief - a really well-spent and literally GOOD FRIDAY, that kickstarts with lunch and karoake session with my army comrades (a tradition that we have been perpetuating, and its been quite some time since i last sang at the bottom of my lungs) followed by the much-awaited ALL GUYS CLASS OUTING at A^3 bistro. An awesome day spent in the civilian world, shunned from all woes of the army camp, that at the end of the day may break me down to powerless shreds, but yet deep in your heart, you know that being tired may not be something bad after all :)...Shall get my much-needed rest and shut this computer off after penning this short update.

Listening to LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem (Everyday I'm Sufflin)

Good Friday!

2011-04-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

My sis named this boy, the angry bird. LOL, the funky bird-like hairstyle really resembles of one. Haha, and you know time is getting ahead of you when you are no longer that innocent cherubic kid frolicking with other kids and toys at home, but rather, the grown-up maturing adult that is flummoxed by the meteoric increase in the number of kids, popping around you. It's startling and a kind reminder that you are no longer that young kid, protected from the crude society.

Just hope that i can cheerish every moment while my heart remains young, just like this long weekend ahead :D

Cutting the flame.

2011-04-15T10:46:00.000-07:00

The last few hours of my Friday night is about to end as the dying flame of my unfortunate weekend will be cut once i finished up this post, shut down my laptop and proceed on with my less-than-4hours of sleep. Yes you didn't it wrongly, this post may just mark the pathetic ending to the closing hours of my weekend, as I am geared up, not only physically in terms of my tech gadgets and books to keep my next 2 days packed, but also mentally with regards to accepting the stark truth that i have to put through the ordeal of yet another week of NS without much deserved rest at home. My bad omen indeed turn out to be a reality, as I was required to serve my 2nd confinement on a Sunday, coupled with a last-minute call up to be the duty signaler on Saturday, though the later spells out to be something fortuitous, rather than dismal (haha maybe thats what you get from forging an improved relationship with your ps, who has changed stupendously from one who can't stop tormenting your life, to someone who needs and recognised your help :)

It will be plain stupidity if i just end this post with that paragraph of updates, just so that i can fulfill the cardinal requisite i set for myself of a post a week, so i thought of just sharing some insights i have with regards to the life of a 2nd-year soldier.

I could still remember that at around 330pm today, we have cleared our weekly standby area upon a swift inspection by the platoon sergeants, and have gave our 'worn-out' bodies a good wash and donned in our civilian clothes, awaiting for the elusive order to fall in and book out. As usual, we were just lazing around in bunk after getting all things prepared and i just happened to ask Jin Yang, "God damn, this week has just passed like that and do you remember what we have done?" For me, i clearly have no idea what are the things i have accomplished apart from the daily ritual of sending out of arms early in the unearthly hours and working pass the RO timing before the armskote is cleared and we call it a day. That may just summed up my 'training schedule for the year!' as an armskote man...

Then Jin Yang replied me, "the only significant even i can remember is the CO dialogue, who was really thought-provoking and an interesting free-for-all discussion". It really struck me when i couldn't even recall the things i have did for the past few days, even when i am still physically in camp and hours away from booking out. And the only way i can make my time in Cougar more fulfilling is to create my own training schedule, which essentially consists an eclectic mix of movies (ranging from chic-flicks like 'no strings attached' to the more philosophical ones like a beautiful mind'), books (that spans from fiction stories to insightful books on LKY and life), drama serials and podcasts, that aims to enrich my NS life as much as possible - and that's really life is for me now, at least for the coming week ahead :)

Optimism is crux.

Listening to 陈奕迅- 等你爱我 (right click, save as, download)

Reflect.

2011-04-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

The clock begins to count down as i am left with less than an hour to go before i booked back into the camp. And here i am, sitting in front of my dear ASUS i7 dearie, attempting to rush out another post for the week before i report back to serve my nation, for a week or perhaps two if i am called down literally into my csm office, to serve my confinement this weekend - definitely a scene that i hope will not reenact again. Looking back, it has been a great refreshing 4 nights spend at home since last Thursday when i was released from camp, until tonight when I will be required to continue my 1 year 10months bond to the country. It was no doubt a long healthy interim recovery period for me as i experienced this gripping feeling of returning back to the civilized world.

Tonight i thought of just penning a short reflection for this past one month, since i officially down pesed and transit from the fields to the office, and now the armskote. It has been a rollercoaster ride for me as i began my sharp journey to being a non-combatant, and in retrospect, it has never been easy acclimatising and adapting to new environment, new friends, and new working schedules. The first few moments of change has been harsh for me, and I realized that i have always been that inert self that is resistant to new changes after i have settled into my comfort zone. I struggled mentally when i was first posted to 40 SAR/C after BMT, and now, even a simple shift of working environment from the fields to the office has dealt a blow to my usual working lifestyle. Whether is it a change in the physical environment or the company around me, i have been slow in breaking the ice and taking the initiative to fit snuggly into this new predicament. Some may just dismiss this problem as a normalcy since its common for humans to feel unease when thrown in a foreign environment, but i am rather concern with my relatively high xenophobic personality that has inhibit me from breaking into new frontiers and be enthusiastic about unforeseen changes to my manageable smooth lifestyle. A problem that has since perturbed me after i almost broke into a bolt of depression after near 1 month of unit life.

NS life since 25/03/11, the official date of my down PES status (where PES is the acronym for Physical Employability Status) , has been of stark contrast to days before when i was still combatant, having this indescribable steel-like strong bonds with my fellow comrades - a bond that was still bemusing, given that i was that pessimistic, apprehensive recruit back in BMT days. It has never occurred to me that i could be so closely tied with my officers and platoon mates, that it did come across my mind that i should perhaps gave up all my down pes plans to be with them, after all it's only 8 months to go and that few outfields left to cheerish. (it was a long tumultuous pilgrimage and shall leave the dramatic parts of the journey to the other posts, maybe i can title the post 'camaraderie')

However what, the past 1 month of non-combatant life has been a fulfilling one, and despite the boons and banes, i am convinced that ultimately, i have never regretted making the salient decision that time. The reason why i am allowed to enjoy my Monday back in the comforts of my arm chair, and the opportunity to be involved in the army dine-in @ Pasir Lebar Leader's Hall with close-up interactions with a deluge of officers and warrant officers that belong to the higher echelons of power in the SAF, can all be attributed to my ultimate decision to join the ranks of the non-combatants. Donning in formal wear (CIVILIAN!), in a army camp during the tenure of 2 years as a NSF, can be easily listed as one of proudest achievement during my NS journey (haha!)...There were also many others firsts, such as having the honour to be on CSM's car, having intimate 1-1 conversation with him while witnessing the soft-side of this infamously notorious leader in our company. Refreshing, and a great unparalleled learning opportunity never ever discovered in any other NSF's journey :D

I have seen enough of towering rooftops, krebs and stars in one single day, and am prepared to report back to the comforts of my office and armskote - new places that i will call it my home sweet home :))

Short April.

2011-04-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

Need to make good use of this interim period of rest to overhaul the everyday functioning of my life... am i finally getting it right back on path? or am i still the disillusioned NSF, who has yet to fathom what he wants to achieve by the end of the year?

It's flummoxing to imagine a life without any aims, like for example, my elder sister who is about to graduate from her university , and stepping into the crude society as a well-packaged end-product of the Singapore's education production line, not knowing what to expect and aim for her next big part of her life. Getting a job for the sake of employment, and working for the sake of money? Nobody wants to work for money, yet money is the means for survival in this society. No matter how much you abhor this fact, many will still be stuck in this vicious cycle of being an employee, who strives to fill his/her rich bowl while ensuring their loved ones are sheltered and fed.

I know that my current predicament is far from being the worst... The real shit is looming in the horizon..

Traditional Food.

2011-04-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

Finally got it up in the Picasa Web Albums... Shall just inundate you with copious of inducing photos as prelude before i post some prose to talk about the food, my extended family and perhaps some things that many of my close friends may not even know about.

Food photography is an intricate art, that appears to be easy, but yet capturing the right frame is crucial :D

Listening to Kesha - Blow (Right click, save us, download)

Hi there!

2011-04-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

So pissed off that my images cannot be uploaded to blogger from picasa/lightroom...

Thurs Night.

2011-04-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

Exploring Lightroom and the ever enticing field of photography...

It feels great to be in my room, on a Thurs night, doing the things that i am really passionate about. No matter how tough and grueling it is, you can still find the last bit of energy that continues to fuel your pursuit for the things you like :)

BRB in a moment...

Garbage.

2011-04-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

My digital clock at the bottom right hand corner ticks 2.43am, an insane timing considering that i am supposed to book into camp tmr morning at 730am - for my first confinement served, and 4 more to come. I have always tried to liven up this space during my short span of 2 days in the civilian world, and this post is a testament to the this laudable spirit. Haha, before i penned this post, i perused through the previous posts that i have written for the past few months and have realised that i have been just blabbering with random stuffs such as the massive food galore, the out-of-the-blue black chicken story and some random superficial whining.

In short, i haven't really been reflecting about life, from a macro perspective, and it's flabbergasting to realise that it is already the dawn of April . Time really flies, it has been 4 months into the new year and i have yet to fathom what resolutions i have for myself. On one hand, its encouraging that ORD edges nearer as times zoom faster towards the end of the tunnel, but yet ironically, i have this growing sentiment that time hasn't been willfully spent and things weren't accomplished as they were initially planned. The paradox of this time problem is bemusing, and i hope that my weeks ahead can be as fulfilling as possible; by that, my definition of fulfilling is to make full use of time in camp to enrich myself as a person, in preparation for the outside world.

Readers, whom i hope are still following this blog, are definitely unaware of the the significant events that have summed up my year... Apparently, my musings and complains of the army has been evidently skewed down, and my sis was like remarking, 'eh you seems to be more relaxed and cheerful these days. that's of stark contrast to the days when you were in bmt, and was like complaining every single weekend about how xiong tekong was...' (lol, i just crafted these words, though the exact gist of the conversation was accurately captured) Yes, life has been essentially like a paradise since wallaby and though it's still a chore to go though all the same regimentation and mundane trainings, 2nd-year soldiers who are well-seasoned and adapted, are invariably enjoying a good life in camp.

I have some deep-rooted feelings about NS, especially with regards to my transition from the fields to the office, that i have very much like to pour and share here, but it seems that due to time constraints, i got to shelve it to next post. It has been 1 month since i have officially down pesed, after the approval from the medical board was stamped, and all i could say that the experience was a pretty harsh, yet enlightening one. It has enlightened me about the operations of SAF, and it's interesting to look at things from the other perspective...

Will be back in a week's time, and hopefully, i can get out of camp this coming Friday for my full weekend.

Listening to 수현- Dreaming (Dream High Drama Song)

The Reader.

2011-04-02T04:19:00.000-07:00

Listening to 수현- Dreaming (Dream High Drama Song)

Photo-shop.

2011-03-27T07:51:00.000-07:00

All smiles on my face :D

A wide grin of satisfaction says it all.

I am proud of the eventual result, sparked from a bolt of inspiration :))

Donned in my smart4 (SAF Uniform), i am ready to book back in for another week of NS. The end is near! (stay optimistic :D)

Listening to Black Eyed Peas- Just Can't Get Enough (right-click, save as to download)

Photography.

2011-03-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

Should i be despair or look at the bright side of life?

You know it's something worth edifying when you are fully
conciosuly aware that things are not going at the right direction, and
knowing of the problem is a great first step out to fighting it. Sometimes, i
really wonder if i am demanding too much from myself; why can't i just let my
soul to be immersed in the liberated world of fantasy, just for this 2 years, and give me body a well-deserved break before i am recharged for the real impending battle after ORD? But yet i know that i can never rest on my laurels and slacken off for this interim period, when the mind is just inundated with military stuffs. i believed i have a higher calling and will never accept myself to be resting, so much. i need to review about what i really want to achieve at the end of this year.

Friday Nights.

2011-03-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

An NSF has 7 nights a week, just like any homosapiens out there... Yet out of these precious 7 nights, most of the unfortunate ones, including me, have to spend 5 nights in camp, calling it a 2nd home that houses a boisterous bunch of NSFs, feeling despondent that they have to be sequestered within the perimeters of an army camp, far away from the civilian world. And whenever we get the chance to step back out to the real world out there, we tried all means to treasure our weekends and make every single moment as fruitful as possible. However, when the clocks come ticking on Sunday nights, we know that all efforts to slow down the clock is in vain.

Friday nights are one of the more precious ones and i am always reluctant to put an end to it despite feeling lethargic and worn out from a long day in camp, followed by hours of dota marathon late into the night. Even as to this point of time when my digital clock reads 4.30am, I still try to update this space while the others are already soundly asleep; i just wouldn't bear to call it a night.

I have always been pondering how i could make my Friday nights more productive, though it has became a habit that i will indubitably be carried away in the techworld once i turned on my laptop, with the initial intent of just checking mails and keeping updated with circulating news. My plan just went awfully head-wired once invitiations to dota games creeped in, or i got too engrossed perusing the never-ending list of status updates on facebook.That's how scary computer addiction can be, and it just drained hours of precious time without even you realising it. It's an insidous virus that has been plauging my Friday's nights, and to be honest, the main reason why i am ranting (or just making these random 'reflections') is because i am emphatically annoyed, at myself, and how my time has been rationed so far.

Facebook, Dota, torrents, youtube, MSN, blogs... and any other forms of social media you can think of -thats' all the little things that has been holding me for the past 6-7 hours before i decided to pen down this post, and i ain't satisfed with such a lifestyle, without a higher purpose for the living. I wanna go back to the good old days when i can freely pursue my dreams and scale for greater heights, for that's what i believe can only make life more fulfilling. The lifestyle that i am leading right now isn't of any difference to a archetypal school drop-out that fails to find the meaning of life, except in his/her virtual world.

I need to get out.

Dim Sum Paradise

2011-03-19T12:31:00.000-07:00

That's my awesome sis, who has guided me along for the past years :)

I am thankful for such a lovely family, and many a times when i begrudged why others are so lucky to enjoy privileges which i don't, these sweet moments will flood back and convinced me that i am a fortunate boy that has all what i need. Family meals, whether is it under the incandescent setting of a home or out in a restaurant, is paramount in fostering the bonds within the family, and helps to create opportunties to strengthen the fragile kinship fabric. Thanks mum for the buffet, and its seriously that delectable as it seems (though there is a common understand/misunderstanding that photos of food are apparently just beguiling).

Yay, and bring your friends along to Peach Garden for a well-satisfied meal! And this post is meant to inundate the blog with photos to keep it alive, and i don't aspire to be a 'food nomad', unlike some people out there :)) !

Recovery.

2011-03-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

I want back my smile, and regain back my cheerful side. But days ahead will no doubt be tumultuous as i begin my transition from the fields to the office - the side that i always thought is greener, but that may turn out to be just a myth.

Frustrated.

2011-03-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

She exemplifies the emotions bottled in me for the past one week, in the most apt manner ever.

I questioned myself if i am really angry or just plain frustrated with my actions and hence any consquences that i have to bear. In short, it has been one of the shittest week in army and how i wish life can be much easier with the ctrl-z button installed; many inadvertible disasters could have been averted.

(i can really felt tears brimming in my eyes but the male chauvanist in me just stopped myself from crying it all out. i should really just take it on like a man and that's the transformation from boy to men that the army proudly advocates. like what my sir said, if there is nothing you can take away from this 2 years, this is a dear lesson you will always remember down the years- obeying an order is of paramount importance, not only in the army but in life. )

Seriously, JUST FML.

Stuck in this world of mine.

2011-03-06T08:38:00.000-08:00

It's getting too late and without doubt, i am not in the right state of mind to post anything meaningful here. i was vexed and troubled over the course of events for the past few weeks, and feeling despondent that things are not getting the way i implored. I seriously need to take some time to escape from this deadly viscous cycle, and get things pieced out before i get recharged and move on...

Right now, i can only say that i hate to crack my brain juice for topics to blog about cause blogging is in the first place inherently natural; ideas just flow while you type, and emotions will involuntarily flow out of the filled-cavity. There is a whole compendium of topics that i will like to write about now, but it looks like such plans are going to continue to be shelved until the 'right time' really arrives... - and that' the typical attitude of a procrastinator, believing that there wil always be the right time.

Good night, and i really hope that there is a group of readers, apart from those random spammers at my tagboard, who are still following this space...

Chalet-like life.

2011-02-22T05:08:00.000-08:00

Hi peeps, i am back here again to take a breather, just like what csm coerced all of us to book out for nights out today. It's awesome to have admin weeks when you just stone in bunks for most periods of the day, and even struggle to find things to do with time, in stark comparison to the usual case of finding time to complete things. You get to play monopoly deal (the latest fad that i realised had impreganated the nation), and when you get sick of people hiding 10 over cards below the desk and denying that they cheat even though its explicite that he drew 3 cards at one time, you get to return back to the comforts of the bed to watch a movie, alienating yourself from the harsh realities by teleporting to the imaginary wonder world, read a book to enrich yourself with knowedge and keep yourself abreast of news around the world, or simply take a little nap to recharge energy for more chalet-like life :D

And whenever i am enjoying life in bunk, i can't stop but think of how the recruits were struggling to keep in pace with the high tempo trainings in tekong, just like how i suffered last year :)) this is what NS life should be - a 2 years breakaway from the educational route, to keep yourself prepared for the many years ahead - and that's perhaps my living motto for these 2 years.

And cheers, ASUS has changed a new keyboard for my laptop and thanks for keeping the keyboard, soaked in chicken soup :D Wohoo, back to admin life... PASS GO! how i wish time could fast-forward to December again :))

The story of the black chicken soup.

2011-02-20T04:15:00.001-08:00

Many times in life, a single moment of misfortune can just ruin the joys accrued during the weekends. I have liked to write more in this space for this week, but the spilled black chicken soup has spoiled all mood and i have no choice but to resort to using my sis's laptop to update this place in bid to continue my good positive trend of at least a post a week.

Anyway the story of the black chicken soup goes like that... most may find it simply pointless but for those who are interested to know this high key event that has dampened my mood for the week, please continue..

I was once again back in the comforts of my armchair on a sunny Saturday afternoon, feeling exalted and surfing the net for any latest gossips on Facebook and on a constant lookout for the latest fresh high quality movie torrents to spice up my monastic life in camp. I was freed from the trails and tribulations of army and truly appreciating the life as a liberated civilian, at least for 2 days, as my mum served a bowl of black chicken soup, fresh from the kitchen. My sis was still complaining why i get to enjoy such king-like treatment at home. Haha, so i began my nourishment regime as i continued with my weekly dosage of 'TIAN CAI CONG CONG CONG' Youtube entertainment. It all seems so great and heavenly until i attempted to cut the chicken wing, with my eyes still literally glued to the monitor, completely engrossed in the show, and i was jolted out of the seat when the chicken and soup was unanticipatedly spilled on my keyboard, which was still in pristine condition after it's engagement with me 2 months ago. I was in a 'WTF' mode, and remained rooted and shell-struck for a moment before i scrambled for tissue papers to clean up the mess. I though all was fine, until some of my 'alt' and 'tab' buttons got resistive and i got so pissed off that i decided to send it to ICU for immediate treatment... Right now, it is still in a desperate battle with the chicken soup sunk deep below the keys, and i can only pray hard that inverting my laptop for long periods can persuade the soup from flowing out of the keyboard.

That sums up my unfulfilling week and i can only pray hard that by the time i am freed from camp this coming weekend, i can lay my hands on my baby lappie again...

Photo of the week.

2011-02-11T09:12:00.000-08:00

Thought of just having a casual update to liven up this space in case i go MIA for the rest of the weekend.This girl over here, with her bubbly captivating eyes and innocent cherubic face, may perhaps be the cutest one i have ever came across. Maybe i should ask her out on Valentine's day to put an end to my 20 years single-hood drought. Haha anyway, I will name this photo

ACT BLURR LIVE LONGER.

- a famous adage that NSFs will live by

Happy.

2011-02-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

I really wish that I can be as happy as them, just like the good old days when nothing really bothers - though back then, we were still too young to appreciate it. Many a times in life, realities only became clearer when we look back in retrospect, and as the old saying goes, 'the grass is always greener at the other side', we only realized how blissed we were when we view things in relative to something else.

I have lost the brimming optimism in me for i fathom that after this long CNY break, its time for me to gear up and chiong towards the end of the tunnel... Its going to be a tough ride, with minimal pit stops, and a never-ending viscous cycle until you complete the whole race track. Moving on from this mid-point, i can only take whatever is thrown at me, and not look back until i reached the end point. Will be back next week for a plausible blog revamp as part of a full-throttled 'spring cleaning' for this new year, and also a much-needed review for 2010 and setting of resolutions for the year ahead. Stay happy - i try to beseech myself to be.

As i told my auntie, "Next year when i visit your house, i will be a free man".

Pure Smile.

2011-02-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

How i wish i can get back to those days when i was young, innocent and cherubic.

Those were the times when one could put up a broad and genuine smile subconciously while living in his own perfectly crafted world, untethered by the cruel realities of the world. Those were the pure smiles, that brighten my day when i tried to capture those sincere moments of real laughter and delight. But yet i know that those were the days that were long gone, and the years ahead will only get more tulmtuous and daunting. It's the real world that belongs to the adults.

How much worse can it get when the new lunar new year starts with a chu-san 24 hours regimental guard duty... At least i can be sympathized by the fact that i am only booking in tmr early at 630am, and moreover, spending 24 hours with a great bunch of friends, watching movies on my ipod, playing monopoly deal and just plain talk-cock sessions can also turn out to be a pleasurable way to celebrate Chinese New Year in camp :))) HUAT AH!!!

Happy CNY!

2011-02-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

WISH EVERYONE A WELL-ROUNDED HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D

I need a break.

2011-02-01T12:17:00.000-08:00

The policemen have to work while the rest of the city were embracing the dawn of the new year, just like how the army peeps have to report back to camp for duty even though the others are immersing in the festive joy. I really look forward to this much-needed block break and its time for me to sort out my thoughts before i prepare myself to move on for the rest of the year.... The year has barely started and i can already feel the lethargy setting in and i really abhor the mundance routine trainings, fall-ins, tekan sessions, outfields, live firings that will continue to repeat in a cycle for another 10 more months...

I have perennially questioned myself if i am being a narcissist by always putting myself over any other things, and i tried to pay back bits by bits, through all possible means within my control. But yet when you insisted that you will stop me from ( ), have you ever wondered are you being selfish to hold me back, especially with the use of unorthodox, and unethical, methods? Given a chance, most of us would have chose to take a long break, not a transient one but rather a long one that stretches until the end of the tunnel is within our sight..

Photo of the Week : In Isolation.

2011-01-21T12:09:00.000-08:00

I have chanced upon this photo at this unearthly hour while attempting to progress with my photo-editing process, and have decided to post it up for this week's chosen photo since it aptly describes my feeling after a hell week in camp, alientated from the real world out there. Hey child there, i completely understands how you feel to be trapped behind the windows of reality, and the world out there is indeed really that free and bounderless. However somtimes in life, one must learn to accept what I fathom as destiny and i always wonder who will i become and what will be things i do if i am born in another part of the world, in one of the families out there; it's stupefying that my life will be definied in a wholly different way.

I have been brought to the world, in this island of Singapore and i grown to understand that for the past 19 years of my life, almost every single one of us has been walking the path that has been pre-drawn by our society. The framework has long since been planned out and one must grow to learn that many a times, we have to accept what we must do for this is the kind of environment i am born in.

Even though i am priveldged to travel widely around the globe for the past 19 years, the world out there is much bigger that what i have explored... Moving on to my next chapter of my life, i wish i can see more of the world with my five senses and understands what's this world is all about. It's a real pity to lead your life in your own parochial well and not realizing that while you are living in delusional, many other things are bustling outside, on the same planet.

Rowing on.

2011-01-16T05:23:00.000-08:00

Rowing on, step by step, until i reach the end point on 031211- possibily one of the most treasured date on earth.

Booking in for yet another mundane week after a great weekend spent with my loved ones, thrashing out all forms of emotions bottled within me by means of screaming in the kbox suite. Back again to the army camp, but this time without any much burdens and fears for i will only be floating around the company line as a trooper-ooc hybrid...

Photo of the week.

2011-01-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

I have decided that since i have a deluge of over 2.5k photos from vientnam stored in my library, i shall only upload some of my favourite photos as 'photo of the week', and hopefully you can share my view of the world, through my digital lens.

This week's photo is shot from the 7-seater van (as can been seen from the windows frame), which is part of the private tour we have requested for the 3 day tour of mekong delta. I had the luxury of occupying the last row in the van, and armed with a dslr, and feeling drugy from the long-distance ride from hcmc to mekong, i have decided to capture moments of Vietnam along the journey, though photos may turn out to be of relatively lower quality in compensation for high shutter speed and max zoom. After few magical touches of editing, this photo turns out to be pretty amazing.... perhaps i should put the original raw photo to illustrate the contrast of before-and-after processing :)

2011 - another 365 days.

2011-01-09T04:16:00.000-08:00

Sailing into 2011, it has already been one week since the inception of the new year and though it may only be just a short span of 5 days which kick-start the start of my 2nd year of service, it has been marked the period of many firsts.

1. Perhaps you may have noticed that i have been 'promoted' from PTE rank to LCP, though it can never match the grandeur of the soon-to-be-commissioned officers...

2. I was, to be honest quite surprisingly, pushed up to the medical board for PES review on Jan 5th... Ostensibly, the last missing puzzle of 2010 surfaced in the dawn of 2011 and i was believe that that may just be a miraculous destined plan. Exercise Jan4 may not be executed to perfection, but being one day late is better than never.

3. I was stroked by a rush of rashes, believed to be HIVES, causing my whole body to covered with crimson red rashes that is utterly sore and irritating. I was evacuated by ambulance at night to Tengah Air Base, and got admitted to the sick bay for a night of rest. Quite a 'refreshing' virgin experience.

That's all for the musing of the week and hopefully will be back soon after yet another week in the army...

Dawn of Vegetables

2011-01-07T19:59:00.000-08:00

This photo was shot when i was on the way back from one of the village's mosque, and happened to capture this moment in the split of a second while i brushed past a villager, who was about to set up her cart of vegetables for sale.

All over again...

2011-01-02T04:43:00.000-08:00

Booking in for another 11 months of arduous journey but i know my friends will be there to accompany me through this rite of passage.... its time to depart from my tech&civilised world and embark on the 2nd half of this soul-draining road...

Will be back to update this place in a week time :D

Processing photos....

2011-01-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

Lalala... post photo-processing can be seriously an arduous process, especially when you have a total of 2.5k shots using a gpmg-like DSLR coupled with a 32+8GB SD memory card (endless ammo)... But its still enjoyable and fulfilling, perhaps only on the maiden attempt :)

A little update.

2010-12-31T22:27:00.000-08:00

I spend my last few hours of 2010 sleeping, while struggling to cope with an assault of fever,headache and stomach flu.

I spend my first few moments of 2011, forcing myself to vomit the chunks of undigested Vietnamese food out from my esophagus, while staring disgustedly and blankly into the mirror.

I looked into the mirrorand asked myself, how much worst can this start of the new year be.

The whole 7day trip in HCMC, except the few sporadic unfortunate turn of events, turns out to be quite a fruitful one. Will update more about the whole trip, with tons of photos(by my definition, tons=thousands), as well as some review of 2010 and the things to look forward to in 2011. I am just an 1hour plus away from home! :D

Vacation getaway.

2010-12-24T17:41:00.000-08:00

A well-deserved escapade, that was initially planned to culminate the year of 'success', but turned out to be getaway from all the woes and miseries that i will leave behind on this island. I always treasure, and appreciate, my family's culture of having an annual overseas trip at the end of the year - something which i realized were commonly practiced for others. Thanks sis(s) and parents for planning this trip painstakingly, despite the numerous setbacks and hassles, and really look forward to a great trip ahead.

Off To Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh City.

25thDec-1st Jan

Cya back in the coming new year, and hereby wishes all a merry xmas and a happy new year :D

The last piece.

2010-12-24T02:21:00.000-08:00

It dealt to me as a bolt of utter shock, stunning me momentarily as i reluctantly drag my lethargic self out of the consultation room - my last piece of 2010 has failed to fall in place. It was so near, yet so far, and while everything seems to be all ready, waiting for my last wield of the trump card, the whole master plan just foiled in that moment of revelation as I was taken aback by the unexpected reply from the MO. It was out of the blue, but yet, it strikes me that it was no doubt not another dream, and i have to get back to my feet and press on, especially since i have came so far.

I thought of penning down my whole journey after i have finally accomplished this much-bumpy mission, but it seems that the journey has yet to come to an end, with the end still far from sight. The end that i was embracing turned out to be yet another downward turning point of 2010, and as i plan for my next move, i can only conclude that though the end result was a tremendous let-down, i will gain my footing and continue my progress in 2011.

Shall write more about life, later.

The Best Christmas Ever.

2010-12-22T03:58:00.000-08:00

I am never a staunch Christian, perhaps only during secondary 2 when I have a sudden unique veer towards Christianity as i was then lost for what's the meaning of life, and this indelible experience occurred when i sunk into the nadir of my life after my dearest great grand-father passed away (it was a long story so shalln't elaborate more). To me, the 26th December is just like another public holiday when i get the chance to meet up with friends, or have a good scrumptious dinner with my loved ones. And more often than not, i come to realise that most of my Christmas are spend overseas; when i was 17, i have it in shanghai. last year, i spend it in hong kong. and this year, in ho chi minh city :D

It is indubitably a tumultuous 2010 year, with my service to the nation taking the bulk of my time. Perhaps when i have the luxury of time, it will be awesome to pen down the key events that sum up this year that will about to come to an end. And there left only one last, but yet stupendously important resolution, that i have yet to strike off my list, and what it takes is just one final step before i called it a year. To my dearest camp medical officer, i have waited you for 2 weeks, and wish you can grant me the best Christmas present ever :D

Cheers, and have a nice Christmas... will be back for the last book out of the year

New Found Love.

2010-12-10T10:06:00.000-08:00

While the majority BOOK OUT to join in the rumbustious crowd at ~~BOOK~~ ZOUK OUT....

The nerdy bunch decided to head down to BOOK FEST ~~OUT~~ instead...

Cheers to my new found love... Reading in camp has never been such a pleasurable habit. The great company, coupled with the its associated weekly intellectual discussions about people, behaviours and life, makes army so much more civilised as the bunk grows increasingly resemblance of the classroom- the place i dearly missed. Its hard to imagine what kind of mind-blowing and mature content we can discuss within the bunk, and sometimes, i find it really amazing how we engaged in such heated, yet healthy debates on all sorts of topics. Enlightening discussions that can only be brewed with the best minds, and really look forward to more such words-sparring, especially when the field eludes me.

Hanging By A Moment

2010-12-05T05:07:00.000-08:00

It dawned on me over this period of tumultuous times that sometimes in life, it just takes one moment to change the course of events; most of the times with waning from one extreme end to the other. Your jovial mood could just be dampened by a moment of folly- for example how things could changed so drastically when i scrambled to deal with the blank ammunitions in my ilbv when i was supposedly preparing for a declaration and a smooth journey back to base camp during one of the live firings in Wallaby. It ended up being one of the worst days during my 3 week stay there, when live firings are meant to be a quicky relaxing break for the body before we embarked onto real torturous outfield exercises. The risk of landing ourselves into such unlucky moments is even compounded with our current status as full-time NSFs, which hence translates to regular exposures to life-threatening weapons and live ammunitions, and any unfortunate accidents such as the lost of a SAR21 rifle or mis-firing could just ruin our lives, completely.

Those were just random chains of thoughts while I was reflecting about the key phrase- a moment, especially with these numerous incidents still remaining fresh in my mind. But the matter of fact, today's post was meant to be about another type of moment, that will also effect a stupendous change, but this time, seriously its for the better. Tmr will be the medical appointment that will determine the course of events for the next 1 year, and i have decided to let nature takes its course unless the god above have other plans for me...

Next week could just possibly be the defining week that change everything....

AWOL

2010-11-21T05:07:00.000-08:00

Hi there,

I am so dreading of heading back to camp, even though theoretically, i should have acclimatised to such normalcy of NS life after a week of 'adaptation period'. There are many interference and deviances to the normalcy over the past week, with the departure of the ORD sergeants and the incoming of new sergeants, many of which are familiar faces from our batch which makes the whole situation more tensed and weird. This is coupled with the super-up CSM, who unfortunatately will be sticking with us until we ORD, with his new well-researched methods of physical training inspired by his warfighter course. His most apt comment of the week, which no doubt give me creeps throughout will be...

Eh talk cock leh (it was 9pm btw, when everyone else was looking forward to the end of RO and admin time before clocking some rest for the body), now still early.... I still don't want to go home yet!

i was like wtf!? imagine a near 30 year old regular, who can opt for a desk bound 9-5 job instead, staying back at the company line until 9pm, and still not willing to head back home where his family is waiting for him. And i am a poor pity trooper under his charge... And next week we will be kick starting the brand new concept of full fieldpack, long 4 combat runs... Not sure how am i going to survive through the long dreading week, but i will definitely book out for sitex :D

Looking forward to 6th Dec and life then after ...

Mid-Term Ranting.

2010-11-17T05:05:00.000-08:00

I realised that sometimes, having a heart to heart conversation with a good pal, can have the same therapeutic effects as thrashing out in a blog like here. It just feels soul-searching and mind-gratifying when we discuss some bugging issues, more of than not with topics predominately focused on life problems and way of life. I can't believe that since we last chatted under a sky filled with stars, at the land of Wallaby, surrounded by nothing but trees, bushes and pitch darkness (yes it was really under such extreme settings, but yet it was no doubt a memorable one), 2 of us just went on, uncontrollably days back and chatted until near 12am. It felt great to have someone to share my perspectives of life, and thats the serious side of me, that i realised, and as reflected by others, that i have yet to display much since i stepped out of school. And the most straightforward explanation i can give is that i have simply no aim and resolution during this 2 years of obligation towards my country.

Just 3 days have passed for the week, yet the kind of tweet that i will post to update my current status will most aptly be :

The sweat and hardship i have suffered during these 2 days of intensive, hardcore, hell and warfighter-like physical training is unparalleled to the past 1 month i spent in Wallaby. (yes thats the stark contrast)

And you know that life is not going on that smoothly when you start counting down to the no.of days before you book out. And i really can't wait for yet another 2 days of training before i booked out for the weekends :D And thanks so much for my parents for organising the getaway family bbq gchalet gathering during this mid-week break :)

i am ready to give up.

2010-11-14T06:05:00.000-08:00

11B checked.

Duffel Bag fully equipped, checked.

Personal Civilian Bag, checked.

Attitude? Not up to requirement.

This book-in marks the end of the longest block leave that i may have ever enjoyed during this course of my 2 years service, and it has been a thrilling 2 weeks, taking up the identity as a temporary civilian and romping the streets of Rockhampton, Singapore and Malaysia. It reminds me of my carefree study days when I have the liberty to roam to anywhere, anytime, and be back to my home, knowing that tmr will even get better. Yet when I finished packing my washed equipments into my Duffel Bag, reality haunts me that I am going to be back, for more and all this is not going to end until 031211 - perhaps one of my happiest day on earth.

It's really soul-gripping that i have to lug my barang barang up the same old slope of Keat Hong Camp, after a similiar long break , and knowing that what ensues after this will be much more challenging and mind-blocking. It's a nightmare, that occured just like 7 months ago, and that i am willing to give up everything and not let it repeat again. Sorry friends, that's decided.

Random.

2010-11-13T09:50:00.000-08:00

Just happen to chance upon this photo on a Facebook album titled:

Intra-Faculty Medicine Basketball Competition

Haha pretty hilarious... and gotta admit that even though i am imbued over the past 6 years that Hwachong is Singapore's top premier school, the Raffles family has indeed owned us in various aspects, and the disparity between us has became greater since we graduated- definitely not for the better. And somehow, if you ask a random guy on the street which is Singapore's top school, the 'Raffles' word comes straight to the mind. But despite the fact, though they have indeed produced elites, who are really talented in specific fields of specialisation, they also breed a group of queer extremist students, whose values and frame of minds are hard to fathom by the average man of the society.

And for that, i am grateful that i am on the other side of the camp :D

[this is really random, but the honest impression that i have of a Rafflesian isn't that great, though i know that they are few that worthy of becoming friends, and they are many more to meet along the way :]

Enlightenment.

2010-11-09T23:32:00.000-08:00

I understand what it means by getting irrational when one becomes angsty, just after experiencing a short, yet edifying incident minutes ago.. ( i know its not the most appropriate to write a post about this, especially when i just come back from a 3 week hiatus and should be reflecting about the whole Ex. Wallaby, but yea, its still a lesson worth documenting)

Its yet another scorching hot day, and here i am, stuck in front of my laptop, and fretting over this really screwed up wireless connection that just wouldn't load my pages nor start buffering my YouTube videos. The weather, coupled with my over-grown hair and persistent headache, further accentuates my irritant mood that makes any attempts to debug this problem futile. My dad, seeing how my pissed self lying defeated on the bed, then advised me to call the singtel mio hotline for help, and i just shrugged him off by lamenting that those Indian hotliners are of no help, and they just follow their standard protocol (just like any typical large organisation....) and give step-by-step advice that makes you feel as if you are progressing well, but any tech geek will know that the restart-and-try-again methods of helping are just mere superficial channels that will offer no solution at the end. Hence, more of often than not, i rather be stuck in the shit hole then wasting my time consulting those 'experts' behind the phone lines.

And after 5 mins of conversing with the Indian guy, quite reluctantly though, he cracked the problem in a succinct manner after asking me to alter my TCP/IP properties, which i have no idea what it is for. But a matter of fact, I was wrong with my decision to ignore my dad's offer at first, and i realised that many a times, i became agitated and start making irrational decisions in times when i get on my nerves. This is especially so when i am mired in a heated argument, and i can go on blabbering non-stop, like a GPMG on rapid fire, though in a illogical manner i realised after the words get out of my mouth, so that i can reinstate my stand as the dominant speaker.

For this, I ought to reflect and calm my nerves down so that my conscious thinking can take the better of the angst boiling within me. I have no idea why i am getting vexed and stressed, more frequently, and i just find that my life still lacks of something, that makes it complete. I desperately need a much-needed run.

Farewell Post

2010-10-15T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hi Diary,

This shalln't be a long and draggy post, though i intended to have one before i board the plane to aussie, but rather more of an official post to bid my farewell to this place, and more importantly, the civilised world that I have come to treasure for the past 19 years. I have wanted to make a sentimental post, that rounds up the key events happening over the past 1 month while reflecting on the year in retrospect as i celebrate my 19th year birthday with a great bunch of army friends, but it looks like i can only do it now in the diary that i plan to bring and document in Australia. Over the past few months in NS, now i really fully fathom what it really means to have a great company, no matter how harsh the conditions you are presented. And thats perhaps the sole reason and motivation that keeps me going for so long in this unit, as a lowly AI trooper. I would have long took the easy way out few months back, and resting back in bunk while others conquer the land of wallabies.

But yet here I am, having survived 6 months of torment in 40SAR and fighting strong to tackle the next big hurdle- Exercise Wallaby. I will definitely make sure that i will touch down on Singapore's shores on the 8th Nov, stronger, better and faster.

Cya friends!

we can do this together :)

Dear Diary.

2010-09-20T22:47:00.001-07:00

How i wish i can start of this post with a simple header, Dear Diary, and then continue to blabber on with my deluge of emotions and reflections that stemmed directly from the bottom of my heart, without fearing that such heartfelt and sincere writings will be exposed to the eyes of any individual out there. That's perhaps what truly defines diary writing- a habit that allows you to thrash out everything that has been clogging up your chain of thoughts and allows you to purge out all negative sentiments that have been bottling in you for long. But yet when i choose to shelve aside a real diary for a virtual blog space, I realised that what i wrote here may perhaps just be a stupendously much-filtered version of what i really want to say and what that genuinely boggles me for the past few weeks. I can't possibly write about sensitive topics like love and relationships, and start confessing all my possible crushes during the school days that may startle the world. And neither could I bitch about sensitive army topics such as the unfair treatment we received and how i actually despise people who signed on for the SAF, for i know that putting up these here on a public space will risk myself getting charged and who knows i maybe on the headlines of The Straits Times the next day, for being too frank with my blabbering.

Sometimes, i really wonder if its a wise choice to ditch a proper diary for this blog space, that i haven't been really feeding with things that i really wanted to say. I have read some of my previous diary entries which spanned over the past few years, all written in random notebooks, and realised that those are really genuine texts that i have written, and it really feels like getting a huge saddle off my back after i finished thinking and penning down literally. Ranging from personal relationships to reviewing my resolutions and directions for the year when i reached the nadir point of my life, such sensitive topics can be written at ease and most essentially, without a need to complicate the process of reflection by implementing own filters and redtapes to present the most appropriate content for the watchful eyes of the readers.

That's perhaps the true essence of diary writing- penning down your personal reflections for yourself, and not for others. I should consider getting a new notebook dedicated as my new diary, so that i can start writing worry-free, any time anywhere. But yet, I know that I will not bear to close down this personal space that i have coded from scratch :(

I know that this post in summary is just another post about some random topics that i have been thinking about, yet revealing nothing that has been revolving around my life. To those who are still visiting this place, what you got to know is that there are still a couple of unfinished, yet sensitive, businesses that have been troubling right now, but this year in retrospect, is still quite a refreshing experience and i am really contented with what i have now- family love, a wholesomely-planned university education and true friends. That's what really matters now, and for the others unaccomplished tasks, i can only continue dreaming and hope that the world will conspire to help my fulfil my dreams as long as i have the drive to pursue what i really want.

**The Alchemist is really an enthralling and mind-boggling read. Will not get to see this place for the next 10 days and its no doubt a defining moment to have a birthday spent in camp.

:((

2010-09-12T06:01:00.001-07:00

It was a pretty long weekend, and all i could say was that time was definitely well-spent with my loved ones, which no doubt includes both my family members as well as mates from hwachong. Went for Peach Garden Dim Sum buffet followed by some dota marathon, with a reminiscent night spent in the lovely central plaza of hwachong, and rounded up by a 10km scenic run at Marina Bay this morning. What more can i ask for?

But yet, I knew that veritably, I wanted much more for this year and its seriously time to reflect on some unaccomplished tasks before the year comes to a dramatic closing. It is simply quite horrifying how times flies since we last sat for the last A'levels Bio Paper and how much we have deviated from then on to pursue different paths of life. And i know that its only going to get more mentally challenging as time goes by.

FML... just FUCK IT.

2010-09-05T02:50:00.000-07:00

Lack of motivation, deprived of drive. No goal, no resolution.
Book out, and then book in.
How many times before these 2 years can just zip past?

Just some rantings... really feeling very vexed and worn out. Really sorry.

How i wish time will slow down.

2010-08-22T23:30:00.000-07:00

Talking about time, is it even possible to really slow down time and inhibits the clock from ticking so fast? I have talked to Eric about time being relative and how we, humans, have realised and attempted to tackle the mystery revolving around the relativity of time by make every second as fruitful as possible, but yet at the end of the day, time still flies and we have so much wished that we could rewind the clock and squeeze more things within that short span of time. And how i wish that i could do more things within this short 1.5 days of rest, before its time to book back into camp for another arduous week of outfield.

So i have decided to dip myself in the pool and hopefully, time will really slow down, relatively compared to rotting in front of this lifeless LCD panel.

Yes, i learnt in school, and always staunchly believe that everything in this world is relative - its about comparison of things, with a common basis of comparison, that defines the common stereotypes, assumed normalcy and the deviated extremes in our society.

BRB

Holidays Spent At Home

2010-08-15T05:19:00.001-07:00

It has been 2 weeks since i ever made a formal full reflection post and the previous post was just some random rantings after i failed to get the optimal frequency and mood to pen down my feelings for the week. Many things happened over the course of 2 weeks, spanning from the last fun tote packed into the container which also signify the end of our commitment to NDP and the start of high-tempo 30BX hell training, to the NDP finale on 090810 as well as the many ad hoc activities such as my first virgin guard duty at Keat Hong Camp, the company steamboat bonding session after NDP, the start of the 7th month ghost festival, the online shopping sprees and my reading escapade.

Hahah so as you see, its really a litany of items to blog about and in fact, i can dedicate a single post to each of these topics in mind, just that time constraints has limit the length of this post. This is especially pertinent when i have exactly less than 10 minutes before i rushed off with my bags of barangs barangs as the gates of Keat Hong Camp welcome me back with open arms as the start of real training begins. Yes i really meant hard core, high tempo, rigorous trainings over the course of the next 2 months, that may even be comparable to that of SCTs and OCTs in Pasir Lebar Camp and SAFTI MI respecitively. That indecent prospects really strike fear in me, as I began to feel reluctant and apprehensive of the days ahead. The next 2 months may perhaps be the most hellish months i will ever experienced during my stay in this new home, and the back-to-back fieldcamps and xiong PTs, coupled with the incessant SOC trainings, may perhaps sum up my days in army ahead.

Initially i planned to start off this post with a brief summary of the near 7 days block leave as well as the many heartfelt emotions after the actualy national day parade itself but i have no choice but to censor all away. It was a great recuperation period, and ironically, my body began to feel more lethargic as the 1030-530 army sleeping cycle was vehemently disrupted by late night dota sessions (haha!). Dota and long naps from wee hours till early afternoons may perhaps be the highlight of this block leave so far :D

So i shall end of this post here before the gates of keat hong come knocking on my door. Really hope to meet up with more peeps during the course of the next 2 months and may i pull through all forms of adversities to enjoy the next 1-week block leave before Exercise Wallaby scheduled on the 13th October :P

Late Short Post.

2010-08-14T11:52:00.000-07:00

Feeling guilty-ridden, I planned to make a long contemplative post after finished playing 2 rounds of DOTA and thought of doing some soul-searching reflection for the one last night i will spend at home during this long block leave. But yet all plans were shattered after i drifted off to explore the superficialities of the internet, with sites such as Facebook being the usual sinners for drawing my attention to pictures and contents that I know I am eager to know, but yet make no meaningful impact to my life apart from causing me to dwell further in my free time. Sometimes, how i wish i can completely escape from the realms of social communication tools and be just contented with my own personal space here.

Why do I have to succumb to my innate greed and expose myself to the happenings of other people's lives? Knowing more doesn't transform me into a more informative person, but rather in my opinion, clog up my brain with unnecessary information that will in turn haunt you in your dreams. No doubt, ignorance is bliss in this context and i learnt to always be contented with what you have. It's no longer an issue of not being the frog in the well, by remaining vigilant on facebook and keeping a sharp lookout for any latest pop-up on your facebook news feed. Sometimes, i feel that news feed are overwhelmed with irrelevant updates and if you really want to keep in contact with a close friend, it will be more advisable to have meet-ups, that encapsulates the crux element of human touch.

Facebook is a sinful platform to seek mass attention, rather than an appropriate avenue to air grievances, or keep in contact with people. That's why i refrain from posting facebook status updates and instead, choose to update my life here, and allow really interested people to make their way to this personal space. Logging into facebook is just like forcing tons of informations, from your whole network of friends, directly into your face, while a blog filters the really interested from the main mass and people choose to visit and read things they really wanted to.

Maybe its about time to reconsider whether i should even login to Facebook, a site that is more often not one of the most popular visited sites apart from other favourites such as email and school message boards, after i switched on my computer.

**Alright, its time to take a last good rest and i promise to make a good round-up post, that in fact i actually plan to write for this post, on 150810- the last day of freedom. (though i realise that i have been making plenty of empty promises lately....)

I shall call the post, Holidays Spent At Home.

Late Night..

2010-08-01T04:15:00.000-07:00

I abhor the early mornings when i will struggle to drag myself out of my bed/bunk and get my ass moving for the start of the day. Contrastingly, i adore late nights when the buzzing city slumps into a deep sleep and the surroundings tone down in terms of contrast and sound. People return back to their home nests to find their personal warmth and love, as we take our well-deserved rest after the day settles to dust. I treasure night moments for its wholly therapeutic effect; allowing one to find your own personal space to reflect, while casting aside all other forms of woes that may have bugged you for the day. I think more clearly and rationally at nights and somehow, pondering over issues alone in the cosy room of mine, keeps me reminded of the events that have culminated over the months and keeps my direction aiming at the correct azimuth. Many a times, we have experienced sporadic deviations from your desired path, and small things that we have encountered over time really do affect your overall thinking. Whether be it bearing hatred against someone, or even just casting a look at a stranger who has weird dress sense, will affect your way of life, maybe significantly or superficially. Thats how our views and values shape over time as we grow and sometimes I do wonder if i had really changed dramatically since i stepped foot into NS. Perhaps from my own personal stand, its no doubt hard to realize such changes since it has already sinked to form part of yourself, but to people around you, such short-term change maybe quite jaw-dropping but you are still oblivious to it.

Hmm... aright shalln't digress more.

Anyway, its already 4.34AM and i can't believe that i have been glued to my lappies for the past... hmm 5-6 hours? Like what i told my sister: ensure that i didn't fell asleep on my bed, just like yesterday after booking out from camp at 10pm, since weekend time is precious and i really don't wish to just waste it all in my dreams while waking up in horror to find out that its time to book back into camp again. With only less than 24 hours of booking out time at hand, it will be best if this period of time can be used wisely, with my family in priority definitely, as well as to settle some unfinished business before i report back to camp for section live firing. I played 3 dota games, 2 of which i owned and the other was too shagged to even react after i died. Really missed those school days when we will have incessant over night gaming sessions, and drawing back to this point of time, many homies are either stuck in camps or having overseas missions. School times are still the best times... trust me, and such realisation can only be made in retrospect.

Platoon Infantry Fieldcamp... My view that fire movements are meaningless drills will continue to stand staunchly and everytime i go outfield, i always myself question why am i doing this in the first place? Why the fuck am i wasting my youth away in this mosquito-infested fieldcamp site, attempting to kill enemies simulated with target boards, while being convinced that blanks are to add elements of reality into training with surround-sound, rather than to simulate live rounds. Argh spastic trainings that i just wanna get it over and done with. Shouldn't SAF start reviewing and revising whether conventional jungle warfare with shellscrapes, fire trenches, flankings, MG post will even come into existence given that there will be war in the near future? I can't imagine Singapore invading into Malaysia (just a convenient example), and me as a AI trooper, doing fire movements in the Malaysia jungle while clearing the trenches that the Malaysia troops have dig and camped. Haha most likely, it will be the leopards tanks, fighter jets and marines playing key roles in the showdown and i will be the one resting in my bunk.

Gotta go off for some much needed rest after a day at the padang and to be honest over here at this blog, i really still do have some saddling problems that are bugging me and i really hope to get it off my back. But nonetheless, my motto in life as Mr Relaxed, is to lead my life to the fullest. Be cheerful, optimistic and laughter will always be the best antidote on earth :)

Everything is Relative.

2010-07-26T05:25:00.000-07:00

I view that everything in the world is in relative to one another, and without a basis of comparison, humans will not be able to differentiate the best from the better, and the better from the good. We just can't seem to escape from the clutches of comparison, despite our utmost will, and that's why adjectives and nouns have their own varying definitions in different contexts of society.

The weekend relief break is relatively much shorter after enjoying a 4days 3 nights leave last week, and its about time for the camp gates to open and welcome back its men. There isn't much to blog about for this weekend, just that i began to realise that money has been flowing out of my atm account at an unparalleled speed, and sinful calories have been accumulated during chill out sessions with my dear buddies. Gotta keep that in check and got to report back for yet another fieldcamp tmr, and just hope that previous disastrous incidents like losing of bayonet, and found by my csm !!?? do not repeat its history and hopefully, the week after will pass by even faster.

On a side note, all the best to the OCTs for their brunei fieldcamp and hope to have a class guys gathering really soon.... And thankful for NDP that makes NS days much more fulfilling. Saturdays are really worth looking forward.

I finished typing this post in 5mins :P

Can't i just shelve some more time to reflect?

2010-07-20T04:54:00.000-07:00

I hate myself for procrastinating, even up to this point of time in life when i am supposed to be in the phase of maturing into a growing adult and learn how to prioritise my plans wisely. I had a long weekend break- booked out, surprisingly, on Friday night kudos to Sergeant Darren's kind heartedness and benevolence, for the Hwachong Awards Day Ceremony on Saturday before I booked in only tonight, a Tuesday night, due to off-in-lieu for NDP CR3. (So perhaps for once, i can proudly say that SAF do show signs of compassion for his men, and at least, do keep its words of repaying the hours we have slogged hard for our nation :D ) But yet throughout the span of these 4 days, I have once again dragged a much-needed reflective post only to the last few hours before i booked back into camp. Argh really hate myself for this sluggish behaviour that i really need to eradicate to achieve greater things in life.

Many things have happened over the last few weeks, and after perusing through the pretty short entries i have penned over the last few weeks, i realised that i have been missing quite a couple of details that have summed up my life, as a soldier as well as a civilian, thus far.

I shall spend a 5mins to talk about army life thus far after my trade course POP.

I have to admit that time really flies, and it has already been 1 month into life as a armour infantry trooper, at least officially in terms of the vocation. 4 weeks of training has passed and i have already went to 2 fieldcamps- one infantry section fieldcamp and a armour infantry fieldcamp, with our m113 ultra armour vehicle. Pleasantly, it turned out not to be as tough as BMT days and these outfield trainings were mainly focused on fire movements and attempting simulated missions rather than the hours of tekaning sessions i had back in tekong.

Another highlight was also the ATP live range shoot, running 300m down the chamber with my SAW and firing over 100+ live rounds in the day and night. And guess what? I couldn't believe it, but I AM A MARKSMAN!! Wohoo, its quite a astonishing accomplishment given that i have literally flunked all the SAF 'exams' and was previously a bobo shooter in BTP- re-shooting the most number of times, and yet still fail to reach the marksman score, though almost 80% of the company got it. Haha, so it was quite a pleasurable week in the range as I earned myself the honour of stitching the marksman badge on my No.4 uniform, as well $200 monetary incentive packaged together, in courtesy of SAF.

As a civilian, I have catched up quite a fair bit with a number of people throughout this long break, though missing quite a number of meet-ups such as a chill-out session with Eric, my dear bro who has made it to SCS, the SAFRA session with Samuel Cheng, my cherished RJC mate in BMT as well as the send-off for CHAIPING... Haha, i hereby make my sincerest apologies to my dear friend, Cassadara Sim Chai Ping, for not appearing in Terminal 1 Airport due to my own negligence and failure to respond to my alarm clock. Really so sorry but i was shagged out after dozing off at 3am on Sunday morning, and was deprived of any energy to crawl out of my bed to catch the first train to Changi. So sorry about it, and wish you all the best for your future endeavours in mass communication, and i am confident that you are able to excel in the field that you are wholly passionate in. Good luck and hope you enjoy the dinner and catch-up session :D

Apart from that, i also managed to catch 2 movies- The Blood Pledge (f*** up movie) and Inception (mind-boggling to the max, and was attempting to be the director, explaining the mystery behind every scene.. haha). I also went for 2 medical appointments, some light shopping for books and military equipments.

So to sum it up, it was a pretty eventful breakaway from the clutches of national service and will look forward to more weekends to catch up with friends that have made an imprint in my life!:)

And i realise that Singaporeans are really free outside in the civilian world LOL!

** There were many things that is cramping my mind and i really wish that i have the luxury of time to pen it all down... all the observations and reflections i have processed through as I trudged the streets of Singapore over the past few days. Perhaps another time ba...

Back for yet another week :D

2010-07-12T01:57:00.000-07:00

天凉了雨下了你走了

清楚了我爱的遗失了

落叶飘在湖面上睡着了

想要放放不掉泪在飘

你看看你看看不到

我假装过去不重要却发现自己办不到

说了再见才发现再也见不到

我不能就这样失去你的微笑

口红待在桌脚而你我找不到

若角色对调你说好不好

说了再见才发现再也见不到

能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉

说好陪我到老永恒往哪里找

再次拥抱一分一秒都好

天凉了雨下了你走了

清楚了我爱的遗失了

落叶飘在湖面上睡着了

想要放放不掉泪在飘

你看看你看看不到

我假装过去不重要却发现自己办不到

说了再见才发现再也见不到

我不能就这样失去你的微笑

口红待在桌脚而你我找不到

若角色对调你说好不好

你的笑你的好脑海里一直在绕

我的手忘不了你手的温度

心碎了一地捡不回从前的心跳

身陷过去我无力逃跑

说再见才发现再也见不到

能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉

说好陪我到老永恒往哪里找

再次拥抱一分一秒都好

Alright, doubt i can squeeze any more time out from this weekend break as I prepare to head out for meet-up dinner before booking back into camp for another hectic week of armour infantry field camp as well as NDP preparations. If only SAF can be more benevolent will i be able to sneak out from NDP parade to catch up with long lost friends on Awards Day Ceremony this Saturday. Hope everything goes smoothly as planned or else, as a full-time NS men, i can only just suck thumb and accommodate to the orders of my employers.

Sometimes, I really wonder whether NS men labour is really the best value for the money in the market as over 20 dollars a day can buy our service from 5am-11.30pm, working as bus traffic ushers, human traffic controllers, security guards, food delivery personnels, cone parties, engineers, designers, PR officers and many more...

Won $12.

2010-07-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

Whole day worth of NDP -> Send my sis off to Beijing -> Overnight soccer

Shag Jerefat.

Couldn't stand the temptation to place a last minute bet on Germany VS Uruguay, and it turned out to be well risk-assessed gamble that gave high returns :) Diego Forlan should have scored the last free kick at the 92nd minute, and make my night a much better one, as for some reason i can't stomach why some people are still on a relentless winning streak despite dumping almost their life assets into World Cup Gambling. They ought to get a wake-up call soon and its really frightening how individuals can be glued to gambling that they dumped all their monthly allowance into unpredictable soccer matches. I may sound mean but i never believe that gambling is a sustainable form of income and its a stupendous high risk investment, that explains why bookies are prepared to offer high rate of returns even for 'sure-win' matches. In fact when you draw the interest rate offered by banks annually (less than 0.5%), in comparison with the rates offered by Singapore Pools that ranges from at least (1.50-3.50), it dawns on me that if you classify gambling as an investment in the first place, its no doubt a high risk one since high returns comes with a hefty price. Hmm.. Food for thought.

"The ball is always round" as quoted by my dad.. Good nite :D

World Cup Fever

2010-06-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

Just spent my weekends chilling out with my cousins - thrashing out all forms of stress and emotions into the microphone and screaming at the top of my lungs as if I am living in my own world. It feels great to sing out loud until your vocals begin to give way and its indeed relishing to continue this 'family tradition' of karaoke outings :D I could still remember the last time i stepped into the Ten Dollar Club was just 2 days before my enlistment into National Service, and also the day when I shaved bald and attempting to shun the public crowd as far as I can. 4+ months have passed since then and can't believe that I am still surviving well.

After which, we managed to rejoice over a Vietnamese meal and head back to my cousin's house to catch the most animated World Cup Match between England and Germany after some light shopping at Chinatown. What a great match it turned out to be and can't believe that the football fanatic in me still exist despite being estranged in army camp for most of the week. I shalln't comment much about the controversies (another debate over the shortfalls of technology in sports, including this on going match between Argentina and Mexico) and the ultimate result of the match but football really can bring out the exuberant atmosphere, that i have long missed. And i still insisted not to place my bets in these games- though my sis and my cousins pooled $15 to bet on Germany to win which they eventually won. HAHA good for them, but i will always remain staunch in my values and my decisions especially when it comes to betting on things that are definitely uncertain and unpredictable. The World Cup is an epic round-up of matches which turned out in contrary to 'experts' predictions' and no amount of knowledge can make you a more informed gambler than others.I always believe that 'investment, without doing your own research, equates to gambling. ' (i can still remember vividly, some investment broker said this in Chinese in one of the interview clips, when i was attached to Mediacorp years back)

So it's getting late and gotta round up this post now. Many promising clashes coming up soon over the next few weeks and hope that weekends will continue to be as productive as of today. Chill-out, relax and catch up with peeps while I can. 4am now- time to catch some well-deserved cosy sleep :D

Freedom Week.

2010-06-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

I finally had a glimpse of what civilian life truly is for the past one week after brushing through the public crowd in many occasions despite last week, being the week that kick starts months of hell outfield training and really hectic schedules. Hahah, the honour of being awarded my first 3 days ATT C granted me the opportunity to be sheltered from the menace of army from Sunday to Wednesday, as I enjoyed games of DOTA as well as catching a few matches of the well-disappointed World Cup. After booking into camp on Tuesday night, hoping to relish the life of a civilian during the weekends, I moved into my new bunk at Section 1 and the transition is still pretty smooth-sailing with the help of my new section mates and its really gratifying. The next day was SOC, which i skipped, as well as section fire movement trainings which was still quite intriguing and less demanding so far.

Then thursday was a physiotherapy session at SAFTI MI which means book out again and a sneak back into civilian world for a few hours, catching some world cup news as well as salivating some good food at Jurong Point. That night, we had our maiden entry into the Enlistee Mess and played some table soccer before heading back to bunk to rest while reading 8days magazine. Friday night was our first NIGHTS OUT! as we booked out early, in Civilian Clothes, had lunch at Jurong Point with mates before heading to SAFRA to watch Germany VS Serbia, as well as a game of DOTA at the lan center. Haha, and that's not all. Saturday now becomes part of army life as well, as we head down to padang in preparation for NDP, enjoying free flow of PIZZA HUT lunch and after we were released, i made my first step into Supper Club at Odeon Towers, though not for clubbing this time (i am staunchly anti-clubbing :D), but for some flea market apparently, before taking a bus back to my cousin's house to catch Netherlands VS Japan and some light mahjong.

Alright so lots of good stuffs that sums up last week and today is an off-in-lieu for Saturday's commitment it NDP, or rather i will prefer to phrase it as 'a good deployment of cheap labour by the SAF' since if you do your simple math, our allowance pay can be comparable or even lower than Bangladesh foreign workers and definitely, more professional, presentable and productive. That's what NSFs are really doing in the army- moving cones around and doing all forms of sai gang. Since Chinese workers have began to echo their concerns about their pathetically low pay, we perhaps should start our own protests not in Foxconn or Honda, but in our own camps. Haha, just kidding, i wouldn't wanna risk my future by entering DB.

Lesson learnt: There isn't democracy in army, though it claims to have. My sergeant said, "You think this is school ah- there isn't anything called appeal over here...."

Haha, I shall not continue to ramble about the army, at least for this post, and lets hope that the week ahead will be as great. I will be going to TTSH for my orthopaedic appointment at 2pm later, and hope everything goes smoothly as planned! :D

4-month-old soldier - Part 1 (How it started)

2010-06-14T23:45:00.000-07:00

I shall stop procrastinating and start penning down my reflections after I finally made the mark as a 4-month soldier and has passed out twice, once with the donning of the jockey cap and the other, just last Saturday on the 12th June 2010, the donning of the black beret as I metamorphosis into a proud armour solider. In case you are wondering why on earth am I blogging at such weird timing, on a weekday, and appearing online perpetually for the last 2 days, I am here to clear your doubts. I have been struck by the 'World Cup Fever' literally with a fluctuating fever coupled with a unique blend of cough, flu and sore throat which has in fact plagued me since 3 weeks ago just that it came on and off. This insurmountable illness only struck me hard on the Saturday midnight as I decided to catch a awfully sorrowful match between England and United States, which took place at an unholy time of 2.30am, especially when my immune system was down with a serious deprivation of rest after days of preparation for my passing out parade. Hence with the condition antagonised, I had no choice but to visit my family doctor (unable to use 11B!), who granted me a 3days ATTC 'block leave' before i booked into Keat Hong Camp again tonight, as a sub-conscious combat unfit solider.

Haiz, talking about this illness... I am not sure whether if i am just too psychologically wary or what, but the doctor did mentioned that if such cough do continues perpetually, there is a chance that it may not just be a common viral infection but that of bronchitis or even pneumonia. I know of such cases, like Tzin Wai and Xiang Quan, who has contracted such illnesses without even them being aware and I will not dismiss any possibility that I can be a victim especially with my recent loss of appetite and continuous giddiness. NS just screws your body system upside down and perhaps, i should give my lungs a good scan and the thoughts of inhaling too much 2nd-hand smoke over the past 2 months, further assured me that my lungs may be at stake.

Moving on to my status as a private solider, which i seriously detest and desperately hopes to disown, its about time that i reflect on the past 4 months before I moved on the next phase of training as a AI trooper in Keat Hong Camp. Some says that the 2 years in National Service will encapsulates a myriad of defining moments in your life and I have no choice but to agree it wholly and sincerely. 2 years in NS will no doubt be one of the most tumultuous times I have ever experienced, at least up to this point of time, and it's one journey that is life-changing and stupendously different from the life of a civilian, given that you have took up the normal path as a combat-fit solider and not the clerk that lepak in the air-conditioned office for 2 years. 4 months into NS has already crafted a much different me, and I have no idea how another 1 year 6 months is going to change my mindset and how I will function as a person. It's a obliged process that all 18 year old Singaporeans have to go through, and it changes a person by the rule of fear and through the use of intense and extreme pressure, to push one to his physical and mental limits. It strikes fear down my spine and somehow, i am apprehensive of such SAF method and going it through once is more than enough.

I still remember vividly the moment when National Service starts its first inroad into my life was when i received the letter for CMPB medical check-up during early last year. All of us was gladly excited and was comparing the time and dates while finding pals to go for the check-ups together. For me, I have no reasons to postpone my check-up so I gladly went alone to CMPB on a fine morning, skipping the bio lectures, to do a full body check-up. I went through stations after stations and finished the 3 hour IQ Test, more prestigiously known as the MAPAS test that can pre-determined the vocation BEST suited for you and whether you have qualities of a COMMANDER, as per instructed and finally got my PES Status- PES A. I was still a naive and ignorant 18 year old back then, who has completely no knowledge about national service, so i just gladly accepted my PES Status letter, since it meant that I am completely fine with no forms of ailments!, while others have already began to embark on their down chao geng missions to down pes. I was indifferent to the situation back then, and just went on to proceed with my studies thinking that: Shouldn't PES A be a piece of 'good news'?

Only until this point of time that it just dawned on me that I was thoroughly wrong.

Contemplative Post.

2010-06-06T01:24:00.000-07:00

It was yet another long weekend, but I am regretful for not cherishing this 3 days worth of civilian life by making a comprehensive contemplative post. This post, like the many before, shall be one that sums up the many conundrums I am facing at this moment in time, and booking back into camp 10 minutes later with a litany of unsolved problems is simply depressing. I went back to school on friday after yet another delayed 'early bookout' to collect my A'level certificate as well as to catch up with Louis as we chatted over many issues such as how NS really sucks the soul out of your life, how time really flies and it has already been 1 year since we were mugging in that A1__ room till near 10pm. Many indelible memories flooded back into my mind as I strolled down the alleys of hwachong, whether is it the on-going 16th SLC celebrations or the computer labs we once had overnight camps and bonding sessions. My conclusion: I really missed times in school, and how i wish i can repeat all these once again.

I realised that it's hard to explain to someone how serving the army is really that torturous and one will simply tell you that it's going to be fine just bashing through the forests of MacRitchie in standard battle order, and digging shellscrapes for missions. That's what a solider is supposed to do anyway and it's just going to be 2 years in a blink of an eye. It may be appears to be as simple as it sounds, but a civilian will never get to comprehend the stress and inhumanity of NS until he/she steps into the shoes of a solider. It's really that bad.

I should be embracing the arrival of the World Cup 2010, the Apple's conference coupled with the unveiling of the 4th generation of iPhone, and last but not least the Passing out Parade of my trade course this Saturday. But yet when i am about to end this post and pack my stuffs for the 'supposedly' last book in to keat hong camp, I am saddled with many problems on hand, that came when i am really off-guard and i hope to tackle it like a real private.

Wish me all the best as I always believe in carving my own destiny, instead of allowing the regiment to shape who I am .

Last Minute.

2010-05-30T05:24:00.000-07:00

Only have one minute to sum up this post before i book back into my camp for yet another week of army. The 3-day long weekend has been a pretty fulfilling one and though i may not be able to give a full recount of the things that happened, i can only summarise that it has been a decent runaway from the mundane army life and its great connecting with my old pals. I just finished watching the international table-tennis championship, and its no doubt edifying that Singaporean paddlers made history by beating China, finally. It's once again another last minute post, and i have to admit the procrastinator shadow in me has yet vanished despite the strenuous trainings in NS for the past 4 months. Haha, not only is this a last minute post, i have also yet to make my university and scholarship decision, supposedly until tomorrow when i gave them a call to clear up the air.

It's going to be another short week and cant wait to be back here again! BRB!

University Education.

2010-05-23T03:44:00.001-07:00

This week has been pretty much a smooth-sailing one as I began to count down to the 6th week of trade course, and definitely 2 weeks after to graduation parade with my black beret (: Live firing and routine physical trainings + sai kang summed up the past few weeks when I experienced the grit and strength of the 0.5mm Heavy Machine Gun, General Purpose Machine Gun (GPMG) and my primary weapon (aka new wife), the Semi-Automatic Weapon (SAW). Haha i doubt most who are not exposed to these army jargons will be literally stunned by now as I ramble on with these new toys; not that I began to find my new passion in playing with these military equipments, but i am obliged to handle them as a AI trooper. So well at least like what my parents said, one of the merits of serving NS will be the once-in-a-lifetime experience to have hands on with these exquisite technologies and having the opportunity to fire live ammunitions, which people normally pays stacks of cash outside (in this case I mean not only outside the military context, but also beyond our country's shores) to get a feel of what's live firing. Hmm, indeed a staggering experience to fire a machine gun mounted on tank.

Well ostensibly, I can't stop myself from blabbering perpetually about life as a solider, whether is it just during social talk with friends and relatives during the weekends, scholarship interview sessions with other applicants or even blogging in my own personal space, especially when i have earlier decided to dedicate this post to talk about my university education. It has dawned on me that army life has became the ubiquitous topic off the coffee table, and it came not as a surprise when everyone (i meant guys) was just rambling about their NS life, their company, sergeants, trainings, postings, vocations during the Spring EDS Scholarship Session. Indeed, SAF has been successful to a great extent in making an inroad into our lives, permeating our lifestyles deep and beyond while having a firm clutch on what we say and what we do.

So once again, I got carried away talking about NS, leaving no time to blog about my education plans. I have to stop and round up this post asap as the time to book in draws nearer. So just some updates about my plans for tertiary education, so as to at least make this post more relevant to the topic...

Right now after much admission processing by the universities, I have been ideally offered 2 choices for me to ponder upon, at least until 1st June.

1. NTU- Double Degree For Business and Accounting

2. NUS- Concurrent Masters Business Administration (Acc.) with Masters in Public Policy.

2 irresistible offers and what left is the pivotal scholarship to put the icing on the cake. I am still waiting to hear from you NTU and NUS....

Weekly Update.

2010-05-16T08:23:00.001-07:00

Hi PEEPS!

Yea i am still alive here and it feels great to be having a well-deserved rest back at my cosy arm-chair, surfing the net and posting some short updates over here. It has been a long 7 days week in camp, doing a myriad of activities such as having my first live firing of the gpmg and 0.5mm heavy machine gun, as well others like ippt, trade course, medical appointment (BOOKOUT!), and lepak time. Hahaha it has been one month since i first stepped into keat hong camp, and come to think of it, i have indeed settled much into this new environment, compared to what it had been 4 weeks ago. It also marked a key mid-way point for my short 2 month journey in 40SAR before i get my black beret and moved on to the armour training institute. I had great friends over here, and i can't believe that the company best, who happened to be in my platoon again, remarked that 'he will try his best to keep me in this company if i really wants to stay here'. It's really touching to hear from you Sean (aka Mr.Cougar) and at least the friends i made in Cougar Coy really appreciates my presence , and i will definitely treasure my stay here and push on for the last 1 month lap.

The week ahead will be a pretty short one i hope and will be back here really soon again. My life, right now, can literally be described as a roller-coaster ride- full of ups and downs. I am clueless what the track will be in times to come, but all i yearn for is a smooth journey back to its peak. Perpetual entries in my diary and reading the book 'The World Is Flat", while enjoying a daily dosage of The Straits Times definitely help to keep my brain juice circulating :)

Brotherhood

2010-05-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

Just booked out and though of catching ipman2 with my close brothers but in the end, the event failed to come into fruition after a couple of communication breakdown and incompatible schedules. So here i am, back to my cosy couch while surfing the boundless internet, after braving through yet another week of army life in camp, doing things that i thought were just regimental and perfunctory but yet have no purpose in times of war. Today is yet another epic example of such mundane army trainings when we were supposed to observe the proceedings of the live demolition range but yet, I was only proning (aka lying flat) under the scorching hot sun while opening my ears (ironically with my earplugs secured) to experience the deafening bang, and at the end of the day still clueless how the bangalore torperdo is fired or how great the explosion was. It was aptly summed up when one of my us commented that we could actually just watch a video to experience the sound of the explosion instead of getting down to the 'live range' only to witness the explosion but yet viewing nothing apart from observing the ecosystem of worms and ants residing in the bushes that i was proning at. And no thanks, i was relieved that i wasn't shortlisted as one of the privileged few to fire off these charges, for all i yearn is a safe and sound book out back home :) haha.

So this one i like one of the first 'outfield' activities during my stay in keat hong camp, or at least it does qualify as an outfield activity that involves settling down in non-sheltered terrains, being yelled at by commanders, and surviving under the torment of the blazing sun comparable to that of tekong. There will be many more to come after my 2 months of trade course, and i am totally not looking forward to life after this honeymoon period especially when I overheard that there will be outfield every fortnight... which equates to approximately having 2 field-camps per month. How crap can it be.

I named this post 'brotherhood' as i initially planned to talk about how life in camp become more endurable with good friends around. Yes, good friends not only include the gang of new mates that i meet during the past 3 weeks but also the good old brothers that i have in hwachong. One of them that is worthy of mention is Xiao Yi Ming- vantheman. I can still remember vividly an epic statement he made last week during the GPMG technical handling test, 'who in the right mind would have think that we will be doing all these same shit, in this same camp, 2 years later after our days in hwachong. Yes precisely, we landed up in this disastrous predicament together, not only during bmt but also in unit. That's life- a journey that is inherently unpredictable.

Thanks dude for your accompany during the trade course period and you definitely have made life so much more interesting in NS. Really appreciate your presence and will definitely treasure the times we talked cock and crap about anything under the sun. 1 month 1 week to go before i get my black beret and move on to the 3rd phase of NS at armour training institute (ATI). I will no doubt miss the place and friends i make over here when i leave.

Apparently, i realised i have been rambling about my NS life since the first post of this blog and have yet to mention anything about my other much more important plans in life such as university admissions and scholarship applications, especially with the recent spate of facebook updates and blog posts on the results of law and medicine school applications. It's not as if i am not concerned about all these, in fact i am seriously looking forward to life after the 2 years of obligated service, but just that things aren't really going according to plans as well. To the curios crowd, I am currently contemplating over Nanyang Business School (double degree) and NUS Business School Biz(acc), and pinning all my last hopes on the nanyang scholarship after several failed attempts at clinching a scholarship. I kind of screwed up my interview for NUS scholarship, which so unluckily happened to land one day after one week of doom and gloom in keat hong camp, and to NTU: please send me a date for the scholarship interview soon and i will assure you to that i will be in tip-top condition to present my best self.

Today's mother day and to my dear mum: THANKS SO much for the endless shower of love and care during this difficult period and this goes out to my dearest grandmother as well. Love you two and i believe i am independent enough to tackle this conundrum myself :) Don't Worry!

A little runaway.

2010-05-02T05:11:00.000-07:00

Thought of updating a little on my life in keat hong camp, especially when the past 2 weeks has been one of the most tumultuous ones, but after considering the many red tapes enforced by SAF, i have decided to just leave these entries in my little diary book where I attempt to ink all my emotions and sentiments of army life. To those who i have confided my worries in, thanks so much for your care showered over this dull period of my life and i will continue to persevere through this storm.

To be honest, i had a mental breakdown during the first 3 days in my new camp - a significant event in my life that i have had yet experienced since my primary school days. Talked to many friends, consulted many commanders and now, i began to settle down in my new home and accept reality bits by bits.

'No one likes army'- that's perhaps not an over-generalisation but a fair opinion shared by all NSFs. I will still try to update this blog every weekend when i booked out but the contents posted here will definitely be filtered to a great extent. To those who wanted to know more about my happenings and partake in this journey with me, feel free to drop me an sms for a little chat or a meetup during my weekends. Meanwhile, i will continue to pen my thoughts in my little diary while i tracked my progress in army.

Wish me good luck while i bid here goodbye for a week :)

Dreadreadread :(

2010-04-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

I thought of publishing a long post for today but yet again, due to my last minute Buddha-hugging habit (just finished packing 2 full bags of SAF items), i got to rush this emo post in approximately 1/2 hour in order to catch some sleep for the real long and dreading journey ahead. This post marks the last day of official freedom and liberation before i report to my new camp and unit, which is going to stick with me for another 1 years and 8 months. For the other more outstanding privates who have made their mark in SCS and OCS, at least they have a graduation and a mark to work towards to, but for normal man like me, I am nothing far from motivated to serve until I ORD next year December. Its going to be gruesome pilgrimage that I have yet to fathom its purpose, but yet, I just gotta suck it up and serve.

Vocation : Armour Infantry Trooper

The posting came as a real shock as I thought i have been posted to become a tankee after my platoon commanders and sergeants have reaffirmed that i am likely to be one since i got short-listed for the interview. But after much blabbering with the officer and discussing of my politically-incorrect views of NS (which they actually encouraged us to), I realise its all just a planned trap to sieve people who are really interested to be a tankee from people like me who are clueless and direction less what is in for me. When i first enlisted on 4th Feb, my sis encouraged me that BMT phase is perhaps going to be the toughest 2 months of your 2 years and everything will get well after you post to your unit. But that may perhaps be a valid statement if i got into my dream vocations like military police, service medic or clerk, but now after all forms of assessment have been conducted and the 'perfect posting system' concludes its processing of all postings, I have landed myself in deep shit- an armour infantry trooper that combines the 'best of both worlds'. What an apt way to describe my vocation just like how i used this expression for my NTU double degree interview. Imagine staying in the same camp, doing the same things like what i did for BMT, going outfield every fortnight and completing missions one after another without even having a real enemy for a whole 20 months. I barely survived 2 months and now i gotta repeat all these for 10 more times... simple math shows how screwed my predicament is.

I aint have any high aims for my 2 years in NS. I gotta be frank that i am really envious of people who ended up in air-cons rooms, settling documents from 8-5 yet collecting the same meagre pay of $400 dollars. I didn't have the same motivation and strive like my platoon mates in Dragon Coy to get into command schools for all I aimed for is to make new friends and land myself a good vocation. I don't think the 1.2k is alluring enough for me to serve with my life, neither do i think i will defend my nation better if i had become a commander. I don't need to go through army for 20 months for 9weeks is enough to savour the experience.

But yet when i know that after I poured my grievances and woes, the reality that i will be reporting to my new home sinks in. I still lan lan have to suck thumb and serve... Keat Hong camp i really hope that you will prove to be a good home for my next 20 months. Down PES is seriously my last option unless i sustain an injury and i really hope my perseverance is going to pull me through my days as a MAN.

2010 has been a year of unique experiences especially when NS kicks in, which is followed by mixed emotions and maiden attempts at different things. I began to treasure things around me and i am thankful of my very supporting family members and friends. I began to realise and treasure my family, especially my parents and grandparents, as they were the ones standing by me when i was at the nadir of my life. I teared thrice during BMT- once before i enlisted, once midway through fieldcamp and the last when i had fever the day before POP and couldn't attend the graduation parade. I really don't wish to disappoint them again and make them worry for their child - a 18 year old ~~boy~~ MAN that is determined to grit his way through NS.

My new home... Jerms you gotta be positive.

Worried.

2010-04-09T08:07:00.001-07:00

My phone vibrated as i instantly took a glance at my phone... some random number 9******* called me and i immediately picked up the phone call, hoping desperately that some guy from nus/ntu or other scholarship boards call me up for interview next week. It turned out that........

A cb chinaman called this number for what 外卖 and insisted that he got the number right. It was only after 1 minute that he is convinced he got the wrong number. FML!

Yea that totally sums up my life for the week, and nothing seems to be going right. Oh crap man, whether is it bmt life, POP day or my uni/scholarship applications, they are just screwing up my life bit by bit. The one week block leave officially starts today and despite contracting the tekong flu bug, i still managed to sneak out of the house to take a peak at the real civilian world. HAHA, ok got to catch some early rest and get my body functioning for the coming week- hopefully one that will be packed with meaningful activities and interviews :)

ROAR! Got to get my life back on track, and promise to post more detailed entries during my free time.